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Sunday, September 18, 2011

9/18/11 Oh Bother.

"Why are you sad?" I texted him this morning.


Still waiting for a response.


And I think I might have fucked something up. But then again. It is complicated. There's nothing really truthful either way. Can't really say I'm in a relationship with a shadow. And then again I can't really say anything to the contrary because I'm not really alone am I? Am I?

This'll likely be the last day I'm here. Rather than prolong the inevitable deep-set resentment that I end up feeling or letting others feel about me. I'll move on, being a shadow. One that drifts from yesterday, to today, to tomorrow.

I've got to stop being the issue and instead start being the solution. To my own faults, to everything that starts. To truly start living, I have to break free of some of the bullshit that I allowed to settle on myself.

I'm still kinda down. To be honest. I miss being any definition of stable. My relationship is rockyish with situations popping up more frequently. I'm stressed out of my mind due to various fuckeries and oh yeah I'm still homeless *facepalm* Which of course leads to me contemplating an exit strategy that would at the very least allow me some peace of mind if nothing else.

I need time with the people I'm close to, preferably now.

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