03/31/21 EotS

It's not yet dark. But it is wet. Drenchy, dreary and thunderstormy wet. Someone has angered the sky gods. Or else they weep for other reasons.

I'm home alone this evening. And I for one plan to sleep earlier than usual. Forsake the normal routines of doing whatever I please... and such. And while it is most disheartening that I can't go on my evening walk. I don't personally feel like dragging myself through puddles and other rain debris and such.

But today is interesting unto it's self, no?

I'm not really occupied at the moment of course. And this can of baked beans was too sweet + not enough bacon. NEEDS MORE BACON FLAVOR.

Anjali will be an interesting character no?

Random of me of course. As I tend to be at times. I'm going to go take a nap now. Who knows when I'll wake up.

03/30/12 On a Wing and a ...

On midnight wings the stardust dreams do cherish through the night.

Lonely thoughts, leave me now

for as I gaze around, I realize...

That you were always there for me.

Always willing to offer that smug response,

Each word long said and meant to say.


And as I ponder what has happened,

I keep in mind that we were happy.

You and I at one time ago.


It's different now isn't it?

Words are said and words are lost.

What was done echoes more.

Awake the dreamer, hear him crying.

Offer him the worst and less.

And so as I could never be.

What you wanted, what you see.



I lay here now and contemplate.

What it means to reciprocate.


You owe me more than time long spent.

I owe you a heart of contempt.


Each phrase be put and evermore lost.

Heart's content and nevermore song.

03/29/12 Despicable Me.

Now I do realize that when I typed this name for my post, there was a movie of sorts that also was noted as to being my current state of mind.

Which isn't to say that I despise myself, nor is it to say that I am to be despised. Rather it is the deep and unsettled feeling within my chest that tells me that I shouldn't have to feel this way at all.

And while I know better than to let such things trouble me so. And even more so because I'm a strong, respectable individual who's overcome much much worse things... I can't help but to feel at least a bit irked over the whole matter, no?

While the obvious answer to the matter is that yes, I probably deserve most of this bullshit. The more subtle/logic based side of me notes other factors to be brought to account. And like such, nothing can be thought of more so than such. Does it bother me? You bet it does. Am I going to get over it. Likewise a yes.

For the time being though... For the time being I'm simply not pleased with the course of action thus happened.

What am I going to do about it though? Something has to be done to rectify the general pissed-offness that I possess. Much like other factors constant, I have to bring myself to realize that I deserve better.

03/28/12 De Facto

My thread today is not actually about anything that is de facto. Rather it comes from me browsing achievements from my steam inventory and suddenly thinking about the words and after a few moments being stuck with the same.

Rather today's irrelevant topic is on the fundamental principles of magic.

In another universe. One far far away from the present one that we live in... I think I would have been a most adept mage/alchemist.

The skill sets of a thirst for knowledge and a eye for the arcane flow within me. Granted these are the self-same traits by which I sigh deeply to myself as my mind hurts from thinking as to how exactly I would ever hope to achieve even an ounce of the same level in this world where magic is less available.

But there is also in that a level of idealism. One that I have to keep yearning for so as to keep my sanity and loyalty to this world alive and kicking.

But magic... It is a field of literally endless possibilities. We have the elemental magics, each in themselves a burden for those who would dare to study them. Pyromancy, Geomancy, Aquamancy, Zephyrmancy and the like. Each in itself a fascinating study of the unknown and also of the amazing...

03/27/12 UK Time

So I had some issues with my Steam not updating like it was supposed to. And rather than checking to see if it wasn't just a case of my drive being full. I decided to google the issue. As it would be. Google, much like WebMD offers the WORST advice sometimes.

For instance one internet person fixed said issue by changing several core systems settings from English (US) to English (UK).

Now the normal person playing with his settings wouldn't have done this.

I'm too lazy to change it back now.

Which would probably explain why looking at the date/time settings on my computer's toolbar irks me just a little.

Also. Cat is glaring at me. I'm typing up this entry and he's just sitting on my towel. Glaring. You know how it is. He wants something but won't talk about it. Because it's personal. And then when you look back at him, his thoughts have already drifted off elsewhere.

Like now. He's spread out as he sometimes is and is having kitty related dreams in kitty dream land.

03/26/12 Distant Horizons.

The dragon gazes at the sky,

Waiting evermore for the earth to dry.

"Hear my wisdom, learn my truths.

Nevermore thy heart forsooth."


I went on a walk this evening. Much like  I do on any other night. And for once I took note of the hand gestures that I so often end up doing. For you see. As I lip synch or softly sing the songs that I'm listening to on my Zune. I end up doing a series of hand gestures that is not-unlike those seen on an individual who is giving a speech in front of a large audience.


Into the Darkness my dears do run. They cry and yearn for heart's lessons undone.





Right now at this moment. I am broken. That's the simplest way to think of it.

Resentful Anger.

resent offering my time.

resent offering my patience.

resent offering my trust.

resent offering my money.

resent offering my judgement.

resent offering my friendship.

resent offering my anything.

No conversation should ever solely be about one individual. Especially when it's condescending, negative and/or generally not so great.

Why?

Because it's a sign that you're giving up. 

03/25/12 Remember Remember...

So at this moment while the internet offers me it's virtues...

I'm watching V for Vendetta.

And V is epic. The movie's older than many things in my life.

Remember, Remember... The Fifth of November...


But in other news I'm eagerly awaiting many things in my life.

The most prudent course of course is that I need Starbucks to message me back if I got the job. The next thing of mind that bounces within my mind is to hope that my internet won't lag out as it sometimes do. Then of course is the fact that I'm planning. Oh so much planning that I have in motion. Of more than one nature.

For you see... While I'm ok with going back into the world with just my degree and thusly contemplate my existence. The idea of getting a Masters does sound good.

Maybe I'll reapply to UCF. It would be nice if I got in. School does sound remarkably better than the situation that I am presently in. I had at one point wished and dreamed... Well I still do. I do eventually plan to get my degree in Hospitality Management.

Ah yes but that's a different life. A different story.



And now to other things racing through my mind. For instance... My family is homophobic.

So yeah that's something on my mind. It's a pressing issue of course.

But that's life.

03/24/12 Beach

Today was a beach kinda day. Walking on sharp rocks and shells until one's feet felt like they were shredded and then an old-fashioned crab-boil when I get home.

Could have been better, could have been worse.

I was able to help out a friend who was having FAFSA problems though. And I feel useful even in this time of troubled thoughts and emotions.

03/23/12 Fried Oysters

As a foodie, I sometimes go out of my way to find nifty middle of nowhere places to grab a meal. And when I can grab a group of friends to go with me. All the better :)

Today I ended up at the Conch House in Saint Augustine. It's really easy to miss the road that leads to it, but I must say it's definitely some place I'd go to again. If you'd like come take a gander at the review I wrote for it.

Here's the Link :)
http://thepurplemaple.blogspot.com/2012/03/conch-house-saint-augustine-fl.html

Anyway besides that we walked around the square and other places. Grabbed an ice cream when we could and in general stayed content.

03/22/12 A year ago

So a year ago today... Was cold. At least of what I remember of it was fucking cold.

I had my horde jacket on and it was still temperature unpleasant. But ya know, none of that mattered because I was flying across the country to visit someone special to me.

I don't remember all of the details of it. It has been quite some time. There's a lot of unsettled emotion/feeling somewhere in this memory and even more so I fear some facts are likely to be forced memories that ring no truth what so ever.

But to the best of my memory my first flight was comfortable. I was in the row all to myself. The plane was new and the flight attendant awesome and helpful with my beverage service. Arriving in Atlanta made me note for the first time that trip that I was starving.

I walked around for a moment realizing that my following flight was soon and that I had to prepare to board it soon after. And as such I grabbed a salad. Garden variety. Cheap ass place only had one cup of ranch left. :/

Why do I remember this obscure fact? Kyle mentioned that my breath smelled of onions when I got there. Yeah my garden salad + didn't chew gum = bad breathe. Other memories of that day? Hm...

The Atlanta zoo kiosk at the airport. I wanted something for him. Couldn't find it. Ended up walking to another kiosk fumbled through a bit. Found it. Wolf. Cuddlekins. Overpriced $19.99 + tax. But it didn't matter. I felt I needed a gift. Something I can leave behind. Something that I could imbed with my soul and leave behind... I just repeated myself. I know I did. I don't give a damn. It's my memory.

That flight got delayed. It was cold waiting there. I had gotten stuck at the back of the plane. I had 2 or 3 seats to myself again. But it didn't matter. Why should it? I'd still be stuck there for a while. To my right were to African gentlemen. And somewhere nearby was a father and his little girl. Yes I remember obscure facts. They're glimpses and snapshots that last but a fraction of a second. But I tap them as if they were right next to me.

I remember landing in Philly. And from that very moment disliking the airport. It's layout, the colors; how there was a monorail thingy beneath me. The cab driver was Indian or some type of South Asian. I remember reading the pasted signs on the plastic barrier separating the front and the back seats. Something about how the driver can opt to make the passenger pay in full at the start of the trip if he felt it necessary. Ok I guess. The driver. He had been a Physical Education teacher when he was back in his home country. He did that route once in a while.

I phased out after a bit. Sat there looking out at the grey. There was snow on the ground. It felt like a foreign landscape. HOLY SHIT THERE ARE DEER EVERYWHERE. While deer do exist in Florida. Ours don't stand on the side of the road mooning passerby's. Ours are usually dead and being eaten by vultures by the time I see them.

I pulled out my cellphone. Tapped it gently. There I was on the screen. On google maps I was a small dot that moved up the screen. Following the north portion of I-95 as it curved along the river. To my right was a Naval yard of some kind. I think someone tried to explain it to me at a later time. I don't remember much of what they said about it.

When I was almost there. I pulled out my phone and called him. Asked him for directions. I had never been here after all. I think it was called Switlik or something. I got out of the car; paid the $130 in taxi fees and walked towards the door. There was a tree on my right. Snow near the roots. I stared at it as I pulled my phone out again to call him. "I'll be right out he said." I walked closer to the door. It opened. And there he was.

It was like staring at a doll. Expression-less. Still. Emotionless. Almost creepy. I made the first step walked close. Left hand still clutching the handle of my suitcase. I smiled and chuckled. And opened my arms for a hug. He offered a one-armed one and then led me in. Past the front set of doors there was a plastic screen of somekind. Flyers multi-colored. The hall felt like the inside of a ship. Porthole shaped decorations and stuff on the doors.

I didn't care too much. I was just relieved to have finally gotten to someplace in one piece. I set my stuff down. Threw my jacket on the other bed. And this time gave my ex a proper hug... Much of the rest of that day is history. Memories I'm not conjuring up or summoning from the nether.

One memory that I do enjoy though. The next morning. I was being lazy. Didn't sleep well the day before (pre-flight jittters). So passed the fuck out that evening I arrived. It was Friday morning. Kyle had class. I was semi-awake when he kissed me. I wanted to wrassle him back into bed. I was too lazy and didn't have the willpower to do anything. But it was nice.  *chuckle*



_memory log complete. Sequence terminated.
// null function

Today's been long. Longer than it should have been. I killed Deathwing though. Cressy, Fen, Saphrence and Efai all did. They stood against the great cataclysm and survived. The rest of my crew will eventually too.

A friend visits me tomorrow. I have to schedule places to go and things to do. Oh and lunch. Some place overlooking the river maybe? I'm thinking the Conch House but depending on when he gets here I might not be able to :/ UGH STRESSED!

I should sleep. Soon. Like really really soon.

03/21/12 Malice

I tried to nap this afternoon instead of interacting with my family over dinner.

It should have been a simple, perfect plan.

Just lie one's head down, fall asleep -> Win.

Instead I get an hours worth of them listing out every fault under the sun about how I'm inferior to everyone else and don't deserve to be called a human.

And while I'll be the first to admit I'm not perfect. That I've made my share of mistakes in the past. AND that I don't know the future and how I fit into it. I don't feel that any of these warrants the verbal assaults I suffer while residing here.

The simple key of course is to gtfo. And yes I'd love to. You would not believe how much I want to just close my eyes and be some place half-way around the globe or country from here.

But obviously I can't. I can however force myself to write and revise my resumé a few hundred more times. Each time trimming off the thinnest layer of darkness from it and subsequently adding a bit more pizzaz.

And maybe somewhere out there, a company will pick it up and suddenly realize that I'm pretty awesome. They'll send me an email, phone me, and or request an interview in person... And suddenly I have a job. *giggles*

Ah the dream.

Yes I have to dream. It's what keeps me alive in these uncertain and painful present. 

03/20/12 Interviews

I had a lovely interview today at Starbucks and I think it'll be fine :) I have a good feeling, especially since the interviewer enjoyed my company and seemed to really enjoy me.

Its not a guarentee. BUT! I think I might get the job :) Here's to wishing for a night shift!

03/19/12 Lime and Water

Limes are amazing things. Tart little buggahs, they add the quality I label as "Refreshing" to many things they are mixed into.

See told ya!

For instance before I left for my walk this evening, I added a few lime slices to a bottle of water and then tossed it into the freezer. After my hour and a half long _sweaty_ walk, I came back to a delicious chilled drink that is caloric healthy, refreshingly tart, and a great way to cool down.

And while a single lime may have done the trick for me... I now have much more interesting ideas swarming my head... For instance how would this drink taste if I had instead used key limes?

Or better yet kumquats? HAHAHAHA like I'd waste rare kumquats in a bottle of water.

But no seriously kumquats are rare in my part of Florida and though I love them to death I don't think I could bring myself to wasting them on anything short of a uber decadent dessert.



Also my cat just did that adorable little licking thing he does when he's sleeping. I can't tell what he's dreaming of, of course; but I think he's really enjoying himself in that world.

In tomorrow's news I have a job interview to go to. Have to look nice for it, dress up and what not. Probably find a pair of socks to make these shoes comfortable.

03/18/12 On Zombies and Why I hate kids.

As for the former of the two topics I have mentioned...

This came to mind in large part because I was thinking of the Walking Dead during my evening walk.

Zombies come in 2 predominant variants based on my personal research into the matter.

The former being ones animated by biological means (such as viral, bacterial, fungal or other means). The latter being of the magical variant usually brought about by necromancy or other shadow/dark related magicks at play.

Personally however due to the present space of things and the fact that this dimensional realm doesn't have easily accessible magic sources. As such most people don't wander into this field unless they're exploring the fantasy realms.

As for the biological terrors... I'm under the belief that while it is indeed based on traditional voodoo and other occult conjurations of restoring the perceived dead into a state of tepid reanimation that is as likely the result of chemical psychosis as well as the partial brain death or lack of chemical activity that is already present. While the zombies of present lore and many sci-fi oriented works are loosely based on this conception, the stories often are told of a more sinister working, one such as by virus (Resident Evil concept) or vampires (Hellsing fame).

But in each of these concepts the foreign invading entity focuses on one area: the brain stem. It's as if this bundle of nerves is somehow the only target that diseases can strike. While this may be valid in some beliefs, I like to think that there is more at work than simply the nervous system being re-animated. For instance why is it that zombies of this variant are ALWAYS on the offensive? They seem to lust for brains even when body parts are missing. And sometimes flesh in general.

This of course is the primary animal instinct of survival at play. This de-evolution of sorts... It fascinates me.

...

And on to my second topic. I almost got into my first crash yesterday. Why? Because some idiot kid decided that it would be really smart to rush in front of me when I was pulling out of the publix parking lot. There was a truck to my right so I couldn't see him and I thought it was safe to go. NOPE. Kid literally speeds out in front of me, nearly gives me a heart attack.

And that in short is at least one reason why I hate kids.

03/17/12 Ulduar

Deep within snow covered banks of ancient hills long forgotten, lies a relic of the olden days.

And I was supposed to raid it this evening. Plunging deep into it's reaches for long lost relics that have very interesting designs and even more so the ability to say I had gotten them. But as it would be, I did not get to raid this last bastion of Titan creation. Mainly because people didn't want to :(

The group we had put together fell apart and was salvageable :( Thusly I ended up just PvPing some more as my darling Cressy will soon be "of the Horde" !

03/16/12 Ice Pops

So sometime during last summer I was at Wal-Mart and a stroke of genius came to me when I decided to buy this relatively large pack of ice pops that was on display. As you may know Florida is a hot ass place. And even though it's only mid-March, the temperature has soared to the mid-80s already.

As it stands the ice pops were my savior for the day because they provided me with such well-needed cooling powers.

*Winning :)


But in other news had a dream about someone I met recently. I don't really know what to make of the dream other than the fact that I need to socialize more with the people I consider my friends.

In my personal life... I had a bit of an awakening so to speak as the crushing feeling in my chest multiplied from me ignoring where I would have liked to be. I WANT to be in Atlanta RIGHT NOW. Obviously that's not happening, so I make the best of things and from there I consider the other paths I have in life and instead of regretting further my past mistakes I'll instead FORCE myself to use it as a means of becoming someone else (obviously with the general hope that I can become someone better through it all).

But that aside, my mind is all kinds of fuck. Foots hurting exponentially more now days. And I mean general walking is causing me pain. Still miss Kyle but I have a promise to keep so I can't really talk to him. And hm... What else is there to say? Uhm... I dunno? The cat is snoring again on my lavender towel and I'm tempted to get a midnight snack since I didn't really eat that much earlier.

I guess I'll look forward to next Friday when Edward is supposed to come and visit me for lunch. We'll make it a day on the town in Old Saint Augustine. Which of course means I have to plan the outing. And more importantly find a place to grab a meal. UGH. Stress! Well not so much stress as I want a friend's visit to be a fun time and not something that is both unexpected and well pleasant. Capeche?

03/15/12 Atlanta

I wish I was in Atlanta right now. Many of my friends are. Some are helping out, some are being lazy and probably passed out still waiting for the evening's festivities, and still others are just there, themselves a product of the mayhem that is undoubtedly present in all things including our lives.

However as I contemplate many things that are constant, I realize that my absence may be for the best. After all I don't have a disposable income at the present, being unemployed does add that label to my forehead.

But nonetheless not being able to go to something is just the proper does of depressing factors rolled into one that make me realize that I need to plan better in the future. I.E. at the present get myself a job. I do need one. Like badly. Like a legit job. One that makes 30->40k a year? Something like that. I'd end up working my ass off probably but in doing so I'll have and probably at least feel the fruits of my labor.

Still planning another trip or 2 later this year. Wonder what resources I have left to tap into.

3/14/12 Pi

It's Pi day. Yes that day out of the year where people exclaim that they are with the Pi and make really bad puns relating to the Pi.

Me for one? I didn't have any pie. Nor do I care to.

today was a break from my normal schedule. I ended up at Panera Bread and had lunch with an old friend of mine from high school. It was fun. Though I must say my panini sucked :( The tomatoes they added ended up making the bread soggy. Not to mention for something called Chipotle Chicken, there was neither savory nor spicy.

And so for once I am saddened that my trip to Panera sucked so.

In other news I began reading the Tao again. I think there is much I can learn from it, if only I allowed myself the chance to do so.

03/13/12 Friends.

I like to say that everyone is in need of friends. That we all have to have a circle or so of them to help us out in our time of need so that we can have just someone to talk to and what not.

Which of course made me think... I can't really say I have a best friend. Haven't for a while. While yes I do have friends (and my fair share of people who I'd consider enemies), as I think about the whole situation in an enlightened perspective, I can't help but note the small but blaring fact that I don't have any I'd consider all that amazing to the point of calling my "best" friend.

Then again, my reclusive behavior up to late isn't likely helping my endeavors. My lack of social interaction up to late has also made my personal status amongst other people hang in a perilous balance.

I will however have to consider things more as I work on the ideas that bounce around in my head. And for that I am greatful of this.

03/12/12 Twelve

It's the twelfth day of this twelfth year. And as I look at the word twelfth I can't help but think that it isn't a word :/

Yes indeed it's one of those days when you type things and out of whatever reason they seem to lose their original intended meanings. I can't help but think that words such as these are obscure... no?

Which brings me to what happened earlier. I've been teaching myself some basic programming up to late so as to empower myself as I strive to find meaning in my days. And as it would be the C# book as actually rubbed off some of its mumbojumbo onto me.

03/11/12 Calm

So yeah I recently was able to get an additional deferment on my college loans because I'm still most definitely jobless. It's not like I want to be. Hell I'd take just about any kind of job at the moment. Anything that will give me even a few smidgings of money to get by in these tough economic times.

And while I do believe that there may have been better courses out there for a traveler such as myself, I can't help but wonder when exactly I'll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel as the proverbs do say.

In unrelated news my I injured my neck and pulled something this morning while in the shower. I had a most difficult time turning my head at all :/

3/10/12 Procrastinating

Because I tend to.

Or I tended to and now it's almost time to voice up my faults for it.

In other news. Cheap Mexican restaurants are horrible. That's really all I have to say about it. Went out for dinner tonight and it was indeed most disgusting :/ Horrible service, dry chicken, absolutely no flavoring in the "Mexican rice." So yeah dinner sucked.

In other news, my monetary funds are running near dry once again. Which means my job searching will be renewed with much gusto. Of all the random shit that has to happen to me at any given time it has to be this :/

But yeah. So I'm going to get around to being productive. And doing things that make sense. Like stuff :)

03/09/12 Of Burned Fingers

Yes in other news I burned my fingers today cooking dinner.

Stupid of me?

Quite.

But dinner came out lovely. To start was this extremely savoury and light winter melon and beef soup. (I question if soup is the correct word to use for this instance as stew and broth are both also floating in my head as plausible things to say.) Then there was the mantou that I lovingly made and kneaded and formed into perfectly sized balls. And then of course is the pork and asparagus stirfry.

Perfect or as perfect as to say that I'm satisfied with the results.

My cat is standing in my lap watching me type. He is content of course in his actions. He was sitting on his towel until just a few ago and then jumped down to walk around while I refilled my water bottle. And now... he's licking me. I must be extra tasty tonight from all the random exertion. But that's a different matter entirely.

After prancing around and rubbing himself onto my water bottle and then again on the bottle of dr pepper. (Please note it's pronounced Durr Pepper. As Doctor is condensed to DR[.]. And dr pepper is most definitely lacking in said period.)

03/08/12 No Moon Tonight

Well that's a lie. But you see I take a daily walk every evening. And when I do... I like having the moon as a guiding light of sorts to shine upon the sidewalk path.

For the first part of my travels this evening, for whatever reason, the moon was not in its usual position. And as I think of the matter, I can't fathom a reason for it's disappearance. Chances are I was just looking in the wrong location the whole time. Or maybe there were wisps of clouds covering the one area that the moon shining from (though I perceived much of the night sky as to be clear).

Either way the world will not be ending because I didn't see the moon this evening. It's just a thought after all of what has happened. Just something that popped to mind as an interesting or rather plausible topic by which I should type a conversation about. Yeppers.

 

03/07/12 Forgot

Because I was seriously about to and then it suddenly slipped my mind as I was watching Sherlock :/

I'm sorry master plans of being able to do something on time for once.

03/06/12 Duck Fat

Ducks are fatty animals by default.

Ya know they kinda have to be. After all they do need something to aid in their buoyancy and such.

But this adipose tissue... There's something special about it. While I admit that it probably is just as unhealthy as say pig fat. However contrary to lard or suet duck fat MUST have some quality of umami to it.

Now I'm sure umami naturally exists as a quality of most animal products. Otherwise humans are just hardwired into loving such fatty foods.

But yeah, I added some to the potatoes I was making and they're absolutely divine.

In case you were wondering where I procured duck fat; I was roasting one this past weekend.

But yes it was quite delicious. The potatoes that is. Well the duck too. 

03/05/12 Need a new knife

As you may or may not know. I cook.

I'm by no means a professional. I am by no means exceptional at what I do. And most importantly I am by no means excessively good at what I do.

Still I do end up having a favorite knife or two that I favor and use with much gusto.

In this case it was a 6 inch santoku knife that I had purchased some time ago from some place or another. Sadly the metal corroded with time and even the stainless steel blade could not survive a brutal attack of the prolonged chemical nature.

A bit of background I suppose. Previous to this knife I had another similar santoku and I stupidly attempted to cut a frozen piece of ground pork and the knife blade snapped in half. I have pictures of it somewhere and I must wonder how hard that piece of meat must have been AND how much force I must have exerted to have the two come together in such a perfect amalgamation of force to cause such destruction.

And then like a week or two ago I broke my other lovely santoku. This time it was cutting cardboard :/ I was breaking down some boxes and couldn't find a box-cutter so I ended up thinking to myself. HEY! Why not just use your trusty knife! Logically it wasn't a bad choice. The relatively heavy blade made quick work of the boxes. But as I was sawing through one portion of one, my knife snapped. It would appear that though I did take pretty good care of my knives and dried them out after use, the moisture and other chemicals soaked into the part where the blade meets handle. Over time, the acids and other stuff collected until that fateful day when it snapped for me.

So yeah my mom had another one she got from a grocery store and I was like nifty a sharp and similar knife to my old one. And so Saturday I was using it and FUCKING A it snapped on me. While I was cutting watermelon :/ Yep I broke a knife cutting a watermelon rind. Now to be exact the blade portion of the knife is fine. It's the handle that crumpled under pressure.

Now as to exactly how I broke a handle and not the blade of the knife. I can only say that it must be because of shitty craftsmanship. For there can't logically be another reason as to why a perfectly good knife would be damaged in such a manner. So yeah I'm still using the blade portion as, there's just enough of the handle still attached to the blade that I can semi-maneuver the knife for the purposes I need them for. I can't really explain why I do what I do, but I do.

And now I'm asking away for people to give me ideas as to good knives to use for general-purposeness (now a word).

03/04/12 Calisto Maru

The Model Set Designer.

Random note that popped into my mind. You probably won't get the reference so I won't go in-depth into it.

But yeah. A few nights ago I mentioned that I wanted a spirit vision of Mr. Rogers to settle me over and move me to another more positive mind stage/set.

As it would be I didn't get what I wanted.

I dreamed of Kyle of all the fucking things that could have happened. I dreamed of being intimate with him.

03/03/12 Exalted

What's after the grind of Friendly, Honored, and Revered? Exalted! EXALTED!

Such is the naming that comes to mind when I think of my status or rather the status I wish. But of that I'll leave for another time.

Today's been a relatively unafflicting one.

Spent the morning making a most delicious roast duck. A basic salt + pepper and rosemary blend that was perfect for nomming on.

Then a few hours of yard work remulching.

Followed by shopping. And meeting a random black dude who came up to me out of the blue and started talking to me in Chinese. Well ok it wasn't that random.

Setting the scene properly, I was in a Sam's Club just shopping as is the case of my normal weekend event status. And as we passed the baked goods area, a black man, I'd reckon around 40ish came up to me and asked if I was Chinese. To which I responded "Yes" and then it basically went to random conversation where he tried his best to pronounce the words for "good day, nice meet you and what is your name." I should have lied and told him my name was Bob or something along those lines.

Not that it matters now. Granted the total immersion strategy for learning a language is most effective if you try it. So I guess he was just doing what he was intending to do.

Now what does this have to do with Exalted? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Reputation was just something I had in mind. The word Exalted likely as much. And so I thought about it and made it in my mind to contemplate it. And thusly I did.

03/02/12 Mr. Rogers

So if you're really a 90's person you'd remember watching this show in the early afternoon or Saturday mornings called Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yep this awesome dude

Anyway he's really really important for reasons that I don't really understand. So instead I'll comment about how awesome he was as a person. Fred Rogers was a pretty interesting person from what I can remember of his Wikipedia page. Yes I could totally open a new tap, skim over it for a moment and suddenly have regurgitate-able information to slam onto my page.

But yeah. This guy. He's in my dreams once in a blue moon. But when he visits. I am at peace. No seriously I am at PEACE. The stars align just right and the rage within my chest simmers down and boils away.

At the present, I want him to visit my dreams again. So we can either talk or I can just have someone non-judgemental to listen. Yes I'm wishing that the reflection of a deceased children's TV show host visits my dreams so that I may have a counseling session with them. No I'm not really that crazy.

You see. I just hurt inside still. Part of me really really regrets allowing myself to be in a position that caused the compromise of my relationship with my ex. Part of me just wants to move forward and stop hoping that I might get him back. Yeah my multiple sides are ripping my sanity apart. It doesn't do good for this one's mind or soul.

Indeed I'm hurting deep inside. It's almost like one of Rhianna's songs. And as I think about it, my mind and general mental status is pretty fucked up. Or maybe I'm just hurting.

I wake up sometimes and think that it was all a bad dream. And that I have someone I can call my own still. Yeah I miss him that much :(

That is a decently good reason why I want Mr. Rogers to visit me in my dreams. If nothing else he'll have the _end coding needed to stop that script from looping.

03/01/12 Melange

A spice that flows from the deepest sands, it's purity undenied, it's essence a truth to the mind's eye as much for the heart that values it.

And in that memory I have to say that here of all places my soul does yearn.

With me m'dear. With you m'love.