05/31/12 Coercion in progress

I am coercing people. Because I have to. And because it benefits me.

Not excessively bad coercion mind you. Just what is necessary. Because that's how I roll.

In other news. Dawnguard.

It's coming out soon. And I'm excited.

05/30/12 Interviews.

I has them. Lots of them.

Today's planned interview was blown off because of some BS. But I will refrain from cursing or causing a scene about this for I must be the greater man in this instance.

In other news. Contact Lenses. Brilliant inventions of modern science. Horrible thing to peel off of one's eyes. I just had to with the pair I was wearing. My eyes have almost instantly readjusted and now feel better than they did before when I had them on. My alertness has also drastically increased as has my general perception and ability to stay awake.

I have a Skype interview tomorrow. All scheduled now. Everything is in place. Mind is set. And I'm doing good.  Just need to get my thoughts together before I say anything. Either smart or horrifically stupid. Also remember to speak into the microphone.

A reminder on my hand would be smart. And reminding myself when it is would likely be well planned too.

05/29/12 Apathy

Apathy is the quality of not giving a damn.

In summation; in the words of the masses of today: "Meh."

And thusly it is the feeling that I ponder as I roll through the actions of today. I got rejected from something simply on the premise that I am a Naturalized citizen of the US originally from China. Doesn't matter that I've lived in the US for years. Nor does is it have anything to do with actual merits and what not. Simply my origin country is the key to my demise at the present.

Yes that's what I'm calling it. My demise. Meh.

In other news I ran my first red light. And almost got in a car crash. I don't know why. My mind blanked and next thing I knew I was swerving.

Blanking out is a bad sign no?

05/28/12 An Open Book

I am an open book. It comes with the territory of being a loreweaver.

Has to after all. Wouldn't make much sense for someone to weave a tapestry of great virtues and values if no one but the maker is ever to lay eyes on it.

05/27/12 Guts

I have guts. Lots and lots of them. Not more than say a cow. But most likely more than say a goat.

What does that have to do with anything?

Said guts are roiling in ever so much pain. I'm not even what's sure going on. Reread that. I don't know why I decided to type like this for the hell of it.

But yeah. I have the shitz. And I question if this is just a 24 hour bug or if something much more serious is going on my body.

If you were wondering what I'm going through; it's say similar to having a knife impale itself into you insides.

In my mind that's probably the best... well no. I have a better analogy! It's like a pair of claws are probing me. Having no regard as to my intestinal or stomach well being; these claws have simply sunk in and are now shredding my insides.

I think I'm going to take a sip of mint oil and another of honey. Combined the medicinal qualities should at least partially render my insides stable enough for me not to cry myself to sleep for the time being. 

05/26/12 Sleep for the headache

My mind is all sorts of headachey right now. Having a hard time seeing straight and an even worse time concentrating. And as such I rexkon that for my personal best interest, I should retire for the evening and rest my weary eyes and heart. No not depressed. Mood is stable. Have stuff on mind though. And need to get into a caring mood.

05/25/12 Days Later

Days Later and then you awoke.

When did it start you question.

This song. With the simpsonized version of Lady Gaga. It's been stuck in my head for quite a while. Lovely song really. With a focus on the individual and the principle of inner beauty.

It's a truly touching song. Because in a way; I've been that person that her song is talking about. I've the voice that is lost and never was found; the flower that was trampled on and only recently bloomed. And that's in part why I feel so engaged in her music. Lots of music these days don't make sense. And I'm not going to defend every one of LG's songs because I don't like every one of them. However the handful that I do enjoy. The beats; rhythm, emotional depth of the lines. All in all they fit who I am as a person as well as what I feel deep inside.

So yeah this blog post went on a completely different direction than I had originally intended. For you see with the opening, I was instead contemplating zombies. I don't particularly like zombies. They exist in one reality or dream or another. And in each one in which my persona is forced to interact with them, I do so quite uncomfortably.

I want to know why I have such a fascination with them. Zombies. The living dead; the not truly living; those caught between the rifts of one world and the next. These concepts keep swirling in my mind. I suspect that sooner or later I will actually decide upon writing that all inclusive paper on the subject.

05/24/12 Mortality

In yet another post about the concepts of the mind and more on the rationale of mortality.

I borrowed my mom's car today. Was going to visit the recruiter office and have a chat with each of the divisions of the Armed Forces to get an idea of things. Just a taste of what I could have. See which one entices my sense the most.

Anyway down the main road that I could have taken; there's this really really sharp turn on an otherwise straight road that's going 55. At the turn, drivers are supposed to slow down to 30. Today. Someone didn't. A truck actually. As I was going down the road; I moved to one side to allow a fire truck to pass. I suspected there was a fire. Logical deductive reasoning that when one sees a fire truck blaring and flashing lights to assume that there is likely a fire somewhere down the road.

Today there was no fire. Today the fire fighters had another task. The truck that didn't slow down. I fear for at least one of the passengers of that vehicle. For trucks that are several tons in weight, they should never flip as this one did.

I wasn't there for the actual flipping; but I must have arrived within 10 minutes of it happening for the people around the area were still visibly dazed by the incident. The fire fighters were just getting out of the truck as I arrived.

Someone died. Or was severely injured.

The sign posts don't go missing like that for nothing.

Mentally.

All I can think of is the noise of the screaming that must have occurred.

05/23/12 We are who we are

In this life time, we all have to keep in mind specific things. The most important is that no matter how tough the road is presently. Eventually it will even out and the mental strain of the whole matter will become but a horrid memory of the past.

I'm no virgin to stress. I had all about accepted death as a factor of my life a few years back. The 5 stages of grief were nothing more than good friends who's wisdom I kept in my heart, even if my mind tuned them out.

What were their names again? Denial, Anger, Barter, Depression and Acceptance. Yep I intimately know each of these. They ran through my head and I held their hands as we me moved down this path. It was my path though. One that I ended up taking even if I didn't want to. Each step of the way a painful reminder of all that I had lost.

Denial? The first brother to offer his hand down my journey. I stayed with him for only a brief period of time. I offered the thoughts that there was no way I could have been that ill. That it was only old and frail people who could possibly get cancer. But it was it's own process.

Anger. The second sibling. Her rage pulsed through me as I concerned myself with things. I thought and pondered and screamed at myself until I was hoarse. But it didn't feel any better. And besides even if I wanted to do anything else, the medication and fasting sapped what little strength I had.

Barter. The brother of temptations and unfulfilled consequences. I spent much time in his care. We talked about how short my life had thus been, how few things I had experienced. How much I wanted desperately to feel; to hold; to but have someone love me. "If Only."

Depression. The sibling of the longest stretch of my journey. For what else could I do. I would lie there in bed. Ill. Too tired; too weak. Hallucinating. This is the end of all I would consider; each story but driving a stake deeper and deeper into my chest. Hurting.

Acceptance. The sister of peace. Those moments of clarity after the previous four had departed. I would enjoy her voice, as it sang to me the verses of knowledge and of the path that I could soon travel. She was the greatest I could imagine.

It is in these 5 siblings that I had truth bind to me. That I learned of my own emotions. That I considered all possibilities. That I accepted and forgave. That I learned to yearn and hold fast to everything I had. But it will always be easier just to let go.

But Life or Death; Fate or Purpose had a different path for me to walk. And so I took it when offered. I don't deny that I am alive today if not for having something to hold onto. I honestly can't say exactly what it was that truly gave me the edge I needed.

That being said. I didn't really know what was in that beyond. It could have been heaven; hell; the astral stream; nothing? Now days; I am more inclined to feel that at the end of that which is life; the Egyptians knew what was most likely to happen. It's possible of course that they always had a inkling of it. And if it were; at the end of my life time. My heart will be judged against the feather of truth. And I will stand there and wish and hope and pray that the feather is in balance. The nothingness that could happen if it weren't scares me far more. But that's of little consequence.

Like I said. It's been 4 years now. 4 years to next month or the month after actually. That I parted hands with the five siblings. Left each on their own. And walked back through the threshold of life. I am alive now. That's what matters; no?

05/22/12 Por a Mi

The Borgia family line is noted as being one of the most riveting tales of aristocracy + religious life known to European history.

So to see rather conflicting view points of this family; now that makes for an interesting study.

I'm not even going to try and defend the family. I acknowledge that they're less than friendly; that their ideals of powerlust have caused the undoubted demises of many prominent and not so prominent citizenry. I also won't say that I have a particular favorite in any of that family.

Rather it is the family's portrayal in the TV show by the same name versus the individuals in Assassin's Creed that I have noted such correlations.

I'm going to go on a limb and say that the war between the Assassin's and the Templars is most likely fictionalized. That the story is just that; a story. But I don't doubt the existence of secret societies and the likely murder that followed in their trails.

It is in this sequence that I suspect that the true story behind the interesting lives of the Borgia family will unfurl for me.

I'm neither done with the games nor am I done with the series; it is only time that will decide which I should end up enjoying more.

05/21/12 On Stranger Tides

I met Leonardo da Vinci today. Well an interpretation of the great master. That is to say what a team of gamers/programmers/artists rendered as the master.

But in their own way; I have come to enjoy this individual. His character within the series is not only interesting; but in a way I either am crushing on him or just feel a connection with him. That is to say; his personality is something that I would search for in people I would like to date. Or maybe just be friends with. Entertaining; knowledgeable and truthful about himself. He admits his faults in the bravery department and is instrumental in making sure the protagonist is well equipped. And that's not even mentioning how awesome he is in general :p

But that aside. The title of my blog may remind some of a certain movie featuring pirates. It shouldn't because only in afterthought do I realize that it does. Instead focus your attentions on other things. I have better things to deal with and as such the title felt quite shall we say focused as to the stream of thought process that I often type by.

Take for example the notion that the seas themselves are likely to send something sinister in the next few months. No seriously Hurricane season is here SOON. And I perdict a bad hurricane this year. Like a 3 or 4 at least. I'm mentally imaging the letters G or H so one of those two perhaps.

05/20/12 Ezio

If you understand the naming; you'll know what I'm up to...

Also. My cat is a fatass :/ He's hogging so much room on the bed that I am resorting to pinning myself to one side. And of course the moment I step aside and get off my bed; he resumes the making of a nest on top of my covers.

This was to be expected of course. My cat; the bastard that he is; is only being whom he knows him self to be. And of course I am not really bitching about the qualities of my cat. We are both travelers on a long and endless road; and for the time our present bodies and spirits coincide; we will make the best of our odd friendship/relationship.

But of other things in mind. I follow in the footsteps of a fictitious Italian aristocrat. His brothers and father murder; his mother driven to the brink of madness. It is in this setting that I consider the start of a most interesting tale. For the story of Desmond Miles spans several hundred years; his purpose, his plans, his destiny. And as I dig deeper into this story; I can't help but consider the possibility that if such technology existed in this day and age; I too might have discovered something positively amazing about my own past.

Hm. Rather I guess this is a great time to segue into my own preposterous ideas of my past lives.

Lets see.

I believe in a past life. The concept that the immortal essence of the soul/mind/spirit whatever it is to be known as can transcend the space of time. And thus is able to be absorbed into a new life as it is born. This is why I believe memories are formed that can't possibly be ours; the ideas and concepts we hold steadfast to are so easy to us and to a degree it even shapes that which we like and enjoy doing the most.

In this life; I enjoy learning obscure facts, medicine derived from nature, exploring, traveling, cooking, massages, sex (well I'd be lying if I didn't include it), lingo of other nations and sometimes in the off chance that it's available, reading. Which is to say the last thing in this list was something I made up on the spot because I wrote that whole beginning and I could only suspect that it's interesting.

As for locations... I know for certain that my personal affiliation with Ancient Egypt, Rome; Piratical Caribbean Islands and parts of ancient Asia must have some bearing as to reason. No?

In a past life I can't help but suspecting that I was a healer in one of the Ancient lands. An Egyptian herbalist perhaps or a Roman apothecary? I may have served the pharaoh's family even, though I am not so mighty as to say I know for sure I could have. That aside; I still do think it possible that I held some position of importance in that life time. A priest perhaps? The mythologies of past do seem to connect with me ever so deeply. Their deities but memory scraps then? Could I have been one of those who would have picked the sacred herbs used in processions or for divination? If so what was my purpose beyond that? Surely something of my past life is waiting for me in Egypt then...

As for the pirate obsession. That too is something I can't explain. It's an interesting fascination I will admit. One that will eventually drive me crazy as I consider and ponder it's greater meaning. I want to believe that it's just a small piece of who I am, but that life; that existence. It feels so meaningful at times; I can't help but wonder if it holds a deeper meaning too.

Bah. This one is rambling again. I've spoken more than my share of myself. Soon I'll have more than my share of memories tied into words and placed online. Someone in the future could even reconstruct me from them...

05/19/12 Three tenets to follow

In life there are many rules and regulations that we all must live by. Think of your day to day and the importance of these regulations. Be they fair and just or unreasonable and rash; we are bound by these imaginary boundary lines. Look around your day to day. Think about all that they have done and will do for you.

Take for instance the speed limits enforced by the police. Do they have a purpose? Yes. This is an example of a societal law. It was enacted to regulate and impart safety for all whom would use the road.

Then think for an example the use of taxes. This too is covered under rules and regulations. Why? Simple. Individuals who impart a percentage of their earnings enrich all around them.

But that isn't what came to mind today as I type.

Rather I was considering other factors in mind.

For example. What about the the processes that one should live by?

Almost every society has something similar to what is considered "The Golden Rule." Which in theory would be great but in practicality (especially in today's world of mixing cultures) fails to truly own up to the status and quality by which individuals are expected to treat each other. Though at the same time the state of mind that allows for so many individuals to both think and treat such matters at the same level is still quite interesting.

As for why the Golden Rule is a bad concept. Consider the basis of it. "Treat others as you wished to be treated." In essence this is a great concept. Because MOST people wish to be treated with respect/compassion/honesty/etc. However what about individuals who have no sense of being and want to die? What about those who are masochists and thrive on inflicted pain. And most troubling. How about those who seek to belittle themselves as a means of balance their mental status. By mentally imposing themselves upon others; what then happens?

And thus I considered it.

And said. Screw the Golden Rule. It has little place in a world where all of what I've listed and more exist.

Instead I offer 3 simple rules that will make the world better.

1. Respect. Yourself and Others.  Their property; their beliefs; their heritage; and their beings. I don't think that covers everything. But it gives a good outline as to the things that I think matter. If you're respecting someone else's belief system; it means you won't be imposing your own on them right? Likewise to culture and personal affiliations. Thus we can stop the indoctrination of individuals into systems of belief that they may or may not be comfortable with.

2. Love - Love one's self. Love the people you care about. Love those whom you should care about. Love. It's a powerful word. But it's inherent personality is amazing. It's the difference between sanity and being lost. And more importantly it's the warm feeling you get in your chest that makes all the bad things of the world go away. There's few emotional states so interesting that I could write so much about. But that's for another time.

3. Dream. Of a better tomorrow. Of a future you're part of. Of dragons and elves and fantastical things. It is in dreams that I base the future. For without being able to form a piece of the future; what future is there to live and wonder and lust for? It is in Dreams that we are able to truly see our own potential; to see that which our own minds and hearts can achieve. And it is in Dreams that anything can happen.

These are the three tenets I live by. These are the three that can bring about a new Age. Maybe they will. Maybe they won't. We'll just have to see how much we can dream. How much we can love. And how much we can learn to respect. No?

05/18/12 On another note.

I'm dead tired. No seriously DEAD. Like a Mopheus was tapping me on the shoulder and expecting me to magically appear next to him or something.

And so rather than get into the bland details of the previous; I leave you my luvs.

05/17/12 Planning Some More

Because planning is the mother of getting things the fuck done.

Hm. Maybe I'll say frak from now on just to test something out. Because while someone could easily call you a potty mouth for F-bombing.

But other things are presently being set in motion and I am frustratingly bending time and space as we speak.

I need to coerce someone soon. Very very soon.

05/16/12 Tel-Arun

Spicy Beef Wat.

I'll be honest and say that I've never had it before. It's an Ethiopian dish of interest to me. Served with injera to cut through the grease; it supposedly tastes delicious.

And I suspect that as a foodie I must one day find an Ethiopian restaurant and dine on this delicacy myself.

Now what brought about this train of thought? Just talking with a new friend of mine I met a few weeks back. And as we conversed we got upon the topic of food. (of course it would get to food)

And I just suddenly thought to myself. I want some spicy beef wat.

:/

Oh and as for what it is. Wat is similar to a stew or curry. It has influences from many parts of Africa and India.

05/15/12 Remain Positive

We should all remain positive. That's what I just said. And that's what I mean. :)

Because no matter how bad the day is going; how shitty you think you have it; someone somewhere is probably having it worse. And while this isn't the best way of looking at the world; I can't help but think it's the best one to look at yourself with.

And for that reason. I keep it in my mind and in my heart as I continue to live. Because ya know; no drought lasts forever. Eventually; one of these days, the skies will darken, the sound of thunder will be in the distance and the earth will once again be covered in a blanket of green.

05/14/12 Invoking Armaneus Rex

So after the incident with the dolphin-shark hybrid thing that broke through the fourth dimension and threatened to make my existence in this three dimensional world all the more ludicrous. So yeah; AFTER THAT.

The party and I decided to retire around and then I suddenly had the notion of wanting to explore some. If nothing else grab one of the complementary bikes the hotel offered and just take a trip around the area. The mansion I got out of the deal was nice enough; but I was on an undisclosed purpose coming on this trip; should I want to, I could have gone anywhere.

Both of my female companions didn't have anything better to do at the time and so we moved forward with our plans. One of them noted a mild hunger and so rather than explore the rest of the campus environment; the local burger joint was decided upon as our location of best enjoyment.

And it is here at this obscure fast food joint that served what appeared to be stroganoff. As I was filling my drink and filling my cup with orange Fanta I was accosted by a little old lady who demanded to know if I had identification on me for some type of clerical purpose.

At which point I was like why not? I pulled out my wallet and proceeded to pull out random cards until my ID was present. She took it and I thought of nothing more of the matter for a bit.

As I was getting my refill; I noted that I still hadn't gotten my ID back. I'm irked and I request to see her ID. She claims to have it but is still copying information from mine.

Noting how BS this whole incident is I make the comment that if I don't see some ID in the next 2 minutes I'd be calling the police and filling harassment charges.

Next thing I get is a injunction order. She's charging me $35.50 for some BS reason or another and threatening me with jail and a $100,000 fee if I should refuse to show in court.

This is my breaking point. "I invoke Armaneus Rex!" I shout passionately. The waking world pulls me after that and I wonder what would have happened next.

05/13/12 On quiet recompense

I was at the beach today.

A good day for the beach. Overcast skies; few (er) people (than usual) and warm waves (well part of the beach was).

The wind. It was phenomenal. I stood there in the surf. The waves battering my legs in warm spray. I stood there like an idiot. Contemplating the world around me. Breathing in the salty air; eyes closed and listening to ambient noise of the zephyrs.

And through it all I kept thinking of the lyrics to one of Gotye's songs. This one:

It's a powerful songs. The lyrics make me think of things from my past. Or rather people. My still recentish relationship with K. It's interesting really. Or less interesting and more pathetic of my mind to loop over that stream of thought.

Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy. That the concept of a relationship doesn't apply to this one. And rather than a single entity; the world would prefer to relay it's memory to me from my faults.

Yes, yes it has been noticed how much this one uses the first person in his writings. I should refrain from that; but then again this is MY blog. It's about my experiences and the stuff and clusterfucks that end up in my mind.

Ya know it's funny and this time I mean seriously funny how at one time I honestly thought I was cursed . Something smacked me and I opened my eyes... and then I realized I was loved. Or less loved and more lusted over. The concepts of friends around me. They more or less don't exist. I can't really say that. Some of these people at least outwardly seem to care about me. Not in any capacity that I can find useful; but on an emotional level they seem to want to connect with me. It hurts; often times a lot to think of them like that. Just parasites leeching away at my dwindling sanity level.

But then again; we're all leeches to something aren't we?

My first ex had a term for my personality. He called it a "Psychic Vampire". Now should I google this term... Hm... Now that's interesting. One of the definitions... I've actually used for myself before. In it's list of symptoms; the ability to drain vital/emotional energy from those around them. What makes it interesting though; is that I thought I did the same thing for a long period of time. That when I entered people's lives. I sapped something from them. And over a course of time; the miasma produced caused those around me to end up harboring ill intentions towards me. And if not ill intentions; then something that eventually would cause whatever level of relationship between us to rapidly deteriorate.

I want to know more about this quality.

It fascinates me. Even more so now that I've looked into it some.

Maybe I am just a vampire as they keep saying.

It's a thought isn't it? A vampire of emotional health of those around me.

05/12/12 What I'd give for a dream to happen.

What I'd give for a dream to happen. A reality from the dust; a truth to unfurl and present itself to me.

That is the present that I want. The hope in the unseen; the warmth of the glow that is and has not been. 

 I called him Elujah; name of names. A servant of times and past hearts long lost. 

___

I'm oblivious to hurtful words now. It's only taken me what 15 something years to perfect? This art of staring into an abyss and not losing one's self.  

___

I'm sitting in a public library right now. The words that I'm typing are neither pertinent to the processes that are running through my mind at the present; nor are they sure what I'm thinking of. I don't really feel safe here since it's a new environment and as I try to adapt to my surroundings, I have the nagging suspicion that someone or something is keeping tabs on me. 

I'm trying my best to keep track of movement around me and i my current coordinates I feel safe enough. But safety in a foreign location is a fault that can never be remedied. Vigilance sir; VIGILANCE! 

05/11/12 Power Drill

A drill is an ingenious device which converts electrical energy into mechanical. In doing so it is able to transform the default process of creating holes or crevices in objects into a relatively simple task (at least from the user's perspective).

Also context. Without it, the majority of things written by one individual for another make absolutely no sense what so ever. For instance the stuff I'm typing right now. Where did the notion of power drills come from? Twitter actually. Which isn't to say you were ever meant to know what I was saying, but you thought you would be smart and learn did you not?

And likewise when my tweets get retweeted at random. What do people think of it? Do they understand the notions behind the words I've carried? Do they have the slightest clue what in tarnations I have thusly communicated? Probably not.

But it's interesting; because the lack of context sometimes adds to the greatest points of being. Because not being able to know the meaning of something frees the mind to wander. And in doing so, the wanderer is able to relive his own meaning.

Now for instance if I should scream loudly in a voice not my own the words: "Mary, Mary." It would not be unbelievable to suspect that one's mind was being addled into saying the first thing to pop. However in my case I do have a specific that I'm thinking of.

In this instance I am referencing the ancient nursey rhyme that followed: "Mary, Mary; quite contrary. How does your garden grow?" "With silver bells and cockle shells. And pretty maids all in a row." To which I suspect most rhymes from that age bygone were used more as a means of aiding children gain a grasp on the use of words rather than any real meaning. Unlike other rhymes that are still in existence, this one really does seem to be pure nonsense.

And if I was to stay on the random tangent that I have thus initiated; I would make note that my mind has jumped to the weighing of the heart. Well no, not a physical heart per say. But rather a spiritual one. In the Egyptian book of the dead; there is a passage referencing the judgement after one's death.

It's in this arc that my mind has jumped. For Ma'at would cast her eternal gaze upon a brilliant set of scales. On one side lies the heart of the deceased and on the other the feather of truth. Should the heart weigh too much (in so be burdened by what can be thought of as sin), the unbalance will cause the muscle to fall into the jaws of the might Ammit. And the one would simply cease to exist. It's interesting to consider that factor, no? To have every memory and value, every hope and wish consumed. There would be no punishment for the wicked, so full of desperation and deprivaty as to be lost within the cataclysm of the jaws of the beast.

05/10/12 Drakari

The Drakari are coming...

05/09/12 Hm. A taste of rain.

It's cloudy outside. Rich dark grey clouds. The air is moist. Barometric pressure is dropping undoubtedly.

The air is palpably more comfortable this evening and it isn't just because the humidity seems to have dissipated.

I can breathe :)

No seriously you don't understand how amazing it is to be able to breathe. My sinuses have been congested for the better part of a month and all of a sudden FRESHNESS!

Oh happy days. 

05/08/12 You don't know me.

Well to be honest. No one knows me. I'm a freak of nature per say. Well no, not really. Instead I'll allow it to be said that I'm just a crazed little rag muffin that is sitting on the edge of oblivion, awkwardly staring over the edge and considering all things constant about my existence.

I'm going to be myself again soon. My dreams a piece of the fabric that you have wrapped around you. Don't worry I tell them as they gaze at me. Don't be worried and never forsake the memories that you make of yourself.

05/07/12 Rested

I am rested m'loves. Rested from the aches and pains of sleepless nights and once again of my past heart's laments. I write now in a haze of memories.

For you see I had such an amazing time this past weekend.

And while it has undoubtedly changed my world perceptions of certain individuals; at the same time I can't help but think that the events that have thus transpired have also helped me grow. It turns out that the people I considered to be friends wanted less to do with me than I had originally thought. And on the flip-side of that token many of the new people I became friends with... They were incredibly nice to me.

I will say that a lot of people I've met will likely be lasting friends though :)

05/06/12 Return

So it would seem that in my passed-out state I was unable to coheretly remember that I had a blog that I posted to daily. And as such I didn't add anything.

Drove back from Orlando and now am redoing things to make my day better :)

05/05/12 Pool Paryy

In the shortest admendum possible; this is what I'm going to and this is what I've done.

05/04/12 Resort

This place is amazing... And I MEAN AMAZING. :)

Well more like shit to do. Lots of random things that I have to get done and people to hang out with... And stuff... SO MUCH STUFF *ARGHITH*

Ah yes in case I wasn't clear about it all; I am presently at the Hyatt Grand Cypress. This place is absolutely gorgeous. From the airy atrium to the several pools and the lake... and everything else in between; I must say AMAZING :)

Indeed I am speaking in loops at the moment. I hope that the pictures on my camera will adequately do justice to this place.

Well I'm not doing much at the moment; just sitting at this nice marble table and kinda sitting and what not. Which is to say that I am not being productive at all. It also means that I will have further plans in the near future as I am craving some kind of food. Like soon; actually now would be good.

*headache*

*stressed/maybe?*

*wantpool*

*wanthottub*

*wantparty*

*hating contacts*

Which brings me to another point. Acuvue Oasys brand Contact Lenses. These are the worst piece of shit contacts I have ever worn. Supposedly they're good for your eyes. Well FUCK THAT SHIT. They AREN'T. My eyes are burning at the moment and I've only worn them for 8ish hours. How am I supposed to see without them? How the fuck are my eyes breathing? I don't think they are... UGH PAINFUL EYES. WATERING EYES. No seriously why did I think it would be any different when I put this pair on as opposed to the last 40 or so sets I've worn in the past? WHY? Ugh. Sorry for the bitching. I just wanted to be able to truly appreciate the environment of this hotel. My eyes may as well be bleeding at this point :(

Gut not feeling all too well. Random mix of booze has wrecked havoc on my lining. Though the mix of this root beer with the whiskey has produced an enjoyable if not necessarily healthy mix by which I am mulling over.

My ride is presently afk. And/or walking around and getting food. and/or somewhere and not where I am. I'd have to take his keys though as he has had one too many mixed drinks for me to wonder how he is possibly still either walking and/or coherent. But nah; they left for sandwiches or something a little while ago? I didn't feel like going with them. (Under the assumption at the time that I'd be able to get some more stuff later.

It's quiet in this room; too quiet. I may go lie down on the hammocks outside and just rest my eyes. I forsee an interesting night of doing things tonight. :) As well as some lychee vodka. Which I am craving...

Good night blog. I will

05/03/12 Moose

Moose? Why Moose. Because Moose.

Also sorry for not blogging last night. I am/was watching Kill Bill 2 to a few minutes ago.

Is how it is.

I was and how I will be :)

Tomorrow I have been promised alcohol. I won't be partaking much. (I'll be the designated driver).

As such. Today is today. And it's already tomorrow. I'll be done.

05/02/12 On Shaving.

I hate shaving. Because I probably suck at it. Which I probably don't.

However there always seems to be one or two hairs that always evades my deft blades. And if it weren't for them, I would be essentially content over the matter. Which isn't to say that every shaving experience I've ever had was horrid, but still.

At this moment, my cat's sandpaper quality tongue is rasping against my arm. It's rough. And painful. And my cat... he think it's some great deed for his servant undoubtedly. I'm wearing jeans today. Which was smart of me. For if I hadn't, my legs would be covered in painful red splotches where this cat's claws have liberally dug in.

He is fascinating for a cat. A lovely species of felis domesticus as any other but this one. This blotched speck of a blur is most interesting to me. For you see, we share a history. I found him in the waiting area of a Wal-Mart way back in the day. And this daemon has followed my history ever since. He wasn't always this courteous of course. At one time, he wanted my blood, and my arm to this day shows the savage marks of tooth and claw as it was ravaged by feral rage.

But that is a tale for another day. Instead I offer the world the consideration of thus.

I am in pain. A level deeper than the bites that crisscross me from time to time. This pain is deeper still. It resides in my mind as a dagger poised to stab. In my heart as a claws waiting to rend. In my muscles, taking on the form of a sponge, to sap away my strength.

I don't really know what to think of it. But thus I recall and wonder is that what should be has thus been done. And as it is; I could neither question nor beg for the reality of that which is around me.

Instead I live this pain. This quality that is intertwined into my being. I offer it a chalice of my blood; one of my tears and one of my bile. In each it has the power to destroy me. For of blood is my energy, that which propels me into the future. In the tears I hold my longing. The sensation of hearts recompense. In bile I hold my health; tied to all others yet independent to the heart.

It is thus that I have noted.

And the Lord Zepheryus would not hold against my heart and my soul; nor the reason by which I can not profligate myself be told. Ugh off to bed with me.

05/01/12 In the Shadows of the Colossus

The Colossus of Rhodes was destroyed by an earthquake many many years ago.

But I stand in its shadows. Or rather it's memories.

I think in a past life I must have been in the Mediterranean.

As I read of the customs and cultures of those worlds, I can't help but think that I was reconnecting with a lost piece of me. A fragment from a past life.

Roman? I could have been a Roman citizen at one time... But then again I suspect that ancient Egypt also calls to me. Their religious beliefs so strongly twinge my heartstrings as I think of them. I thusly question if it isn't possible that I was part of that past. That the memories that I can't recall were the life stories of some member of that world; that lifetime.

I suspect that I must have been lore keeper in that world too. One who tells the stories of old so that the young may know of them. Not necessarily a bard. Maybe a priest or a healer...

One of these days. I will make a trip to the delta and the surrounding area and see if I haven't gotten the tastes for the matter.