December 1st: Cleanse My Soul

So it would seem that it has been 4 months since I've last gotten around to typing up anything good or anything for that matter on this lonely little site.

It's been a while. Which is to say the least of the matter that I've been a mix of busy and in need of deeper therapy to cleanse my mind of the BS that keeps encircling me.

Maybe part of me savors this reality. Part of me wants the pain that develops from the drama that ensues. But what can I say. In the course of one week, I lose or have gone to war with 3 people in my life. And such counter evaluation has in turn caused a number of additional dominos to fall.

To say the least. I must learn to do what is best for myself instead of what I could for other people. Long story short I bought a plane ticket for someone that I had at the time felt was a friend. My stupid sense of honoring promises is not only painful but also exceedingly bullshit. As the $400 and 30,000 skymiles could have been of much much better use in doing something for myself.

I suppose in the end the thing that hurt me the most is the fact that the fucker couldn't even apologize to me. That and he used his boyfriend to blame me for "forcing him" into accepting.

Meh. I need to get over it. Revenge while sweet would only cause more drama in the long run? Though if nothing else I could just go and have the debt requisitioned.

Secondly. An old face. Someone I met in July. Someone I spent a lot of special time with. Someone who asked me to be his. They don't seem to care about it all anymore. I have 3 Do Not Contact messages in my inboxes. I'm struggling to bring myself to open them. I don't know why. It wouldn't take 2 mins to open, say sorry and then write them off as a lost cause.

And of course that leads to the final person on my list. Which of course the fact remains that I may yet have them. BF is currently MIA. He won't defend me, no matter what happens. And you know that hurts. It really does. I asked him if I mattered so little that he wouldn't stand up for me. And yet he choosed not even to respond.

There are of course more sides to each story. Many that I won't mention or go into. I may demonize others, but in my eyes I have justification to. Though if nothing else, I ask that a measure of sanity be given to my pain and eventual hurt.

Within me is a raging pot that boils over frequently. I want to be freed of this hate. But it's hard. Hard to explain. Hard to place in measure. Or context. I say what I will and that I suppose is all I can do.

In other news. music. It strangely can change my personality.

08/01/2013 August

It's the start of August.

I'm not about to let a new month stop this amazing feeling I have within me. Any number of things are going right and all I have to do is remain happy and I know it will work out for the best.

07/21/2013 Prepp

It's getting late. Soon I'll have to be responsible and go to work.

But before that I need to get dressed.

07/19/2013 Drunk Texting

The BF is drunk texting me again. Well ok I just called him to make sure he's ok. He's fine.

I'll have a funny story to tell him in the morning when he wakes up. *sigh* The stuff I put up with.

Ah well in other news, trying BL2 again. Not as bad as I remembered it but still my achievement whoring self wants something I haven't had in a while.

07/18/2013 Nocturnal

I suppose it's a fact that I'm just a creature of the night.

Working my late shifts and having these obscene nights off...

It stops me from having time with the people I enjoy talking to and yet to some degree I'm ok with it.

07/16/2013 Setting Sun

I woke up kinda late today. Probably a side effect of being tired and not eating the healthiest of diets up to late.

But it's my Thursday night and soon enough I'll have a chance of resting my wearyself and ya know not being stressed. Still have to get ready for work and what not but that's of little worries over all.

Wish I had a mindset able to keep awake longer though...

07/15/2013 Moving Soon

Getting a new room assignment soon. And in the process get $500 from the transaction? Why the hell not.

07/13/2013 Clean

I had a hot shower just now. It's a lovely sensation to just stand there and let the warmth of the man made rain wash over you troubles and worries. The feel of the exotic scented shampoos cleansing my anguish and sadness away.

But then again. Why should I be worried or sad or tired of it all? I'm a powerful being after all. I make my own choices and my will dictates more strength than I'm willing to show.

Why should I need any form of escapism?

I suppose the truth of the matter is that I'm a compulsive worrier...

7/11/2013 Punny

I had a good day talking to my friend today.

It's nice to really be able to spend time with people you consider friends. It's that connection that truly lets us know who we are and gives us the potential to realize our greatness.

07/10/2013 Mate

A friend asked me to be his boyfriend today.

I thought about it. For all of maybe 15 seconds and said Yes.

Why? Because I like him too.

Who knows, it may work, it may not. But I can say I tried.

07/09/2013 Home

From traveling the world and to parts unknown. I'm home now ya see...

Ugh. Sore and tired from traveling. And I have to do grocery shopping and other stuff soon. Wish me luck for such an exciting night I will not have at work.

06/28/2013 Posing Thoughts.

Trapped in the bubble, the darkness never knows.

Trapped in the longing, that forever will be shown. Lost is the memory of that which always was.

Forever. Ferver and ever.

As it would. Less than a week. And I'm stressing like a mofo. For various reasons. Not the least being that I have to pack soon. Like seriously get ready to go pack. Well there's also the fact that I have a nice hotel to stay in. And what not.

07/27/2013 Need to Do

There are plenty of things I have to get around to doing. Like living. And you know making sure my cats are ok.

But yeah trips next week and I'm stressing over a few of the smaller details. Like what to bring and what to wear and how to act.

I should also go shopping and get some food for the kittens.

06/26/2013 More Violence Ahead

I sense a wave of dark emotion to come upon various countries soon.

But that's just my negative outlook on most things. 

Internal conflict for instance is causing my head to throb in pain and in doing so, realized I'm about to be late for work again...

6/24/2013 Makeup Sleep.

Well... This one passed the fuck out today.

Don't know why, and couldn't tell you why.

Well probably because I had a high fat diet and have been pulling times with only 5 hours of sleep for the last two nights and my body finally decided it didn't want to take it anymore. Thus causing the rest of me to more or less collapse from exhaustion. Exciting hmmm?

I'll be traveling again soon. And I dreamed of traveling. I think I woke up around 5 ish. Looked at my clock and decided I could afford another few hours of sleep and in all reality I can/could have.

But yes. I'm going to go freshen up now.

06/23/2013 Moon Moon

Yes. It was a large full moon.

And no I didn't enjoy it.

I should do a study on these sorta things. But from what I was able to find so far, from various months of study; nights with full moons are that much more likely to have chains of accidents. Like specific varieties that don't make much sense.

17 deer claims in the same night for instance. Or the 5 V1 was parked and unoccupied and hit outside of PH's home. Stuff like that.

Yeah. Damned forces of nature.

Officially done spending money for a bit of time as I have stocked up on everything including stuff I obviously don't need (lasagna) and stuff I really do need (cat food). Kitts are tolerating the new cat food so I suppose it's ok to switch it up on them. That or they're not particularly picky as my old kitten was.

06/22/2013 Fish and Chips

Enjoyed some of those today. Beer-battered cod, wedge cut fries and tartar sauce.

Contemplating taking a night off. But I have a feeling I'll talk myself out of it in a moment.

I tried.

06/21/2013 Just a bit

Just a light amount of alcohol. Nothing more than maybe 10 proof.

Enough to make me wonder if it's bad for my health but not so much that I give a damn.

And the results of my experiment have concluded that I don't really give a damn about being tipsy.

It honestly feels nice to be a little bit loose.

06/20/2013 Cat in one's Lap

My random use of capital letters is a bother to some people.

It shouldn't be a bother honestly as I'm not nearly crazy enough for you all to care.

Today is my Friday.

And of course Fridays are lovely. They sit as they are and I'm able to enjoy them.

And of course by Friday I mean that today is my end of the week. Currently it is my Saturday morning. I have a mild unexplainable headache and I'm about to make some noms (I haven't eaten all day. Or had any water for that matter).

It's chilly in my room and I'm able to just be myself as I choose to.

Kitten 1 and Kitten 2 are getting along and choose opposite parts of my bed to sleep on.

It is in that regards that I am happy to say they aren't killing each other. (Which is of course to say that they're being lovely little bastards and I love them both.

06/19/2013 Belated Sleep.

What is belated sleep?

'tis the quality of wanting to rest but not being able to because resting is out of reach :/

It's another one of those days when I should be sleeping but for whatever reason (AC got turned off for today's reason) I am no longer sleeping. It's fucking hot in my room :/


But yes. 3DS has wifi capabilities so I'm letting it do some background software updates. Other than that, it'll be a nice night.

06/18/2013 Animal Crossing.

I got a copy of New Leaf... This game is addicting :/

06/17/2013 A Corruption

I dreamed I had visited a Dark and Twisted Jurassic Park. Something out of nightmare if there ever could be such a thing.

And now I can't help but wonder, was it so much a dream or a vision of what was beyond the mists?

That is a good question.

06/16/2013 Sunday

3 Days till Futurama comes back!!!!!

Yes I'm excited. I really enjoy the series :)

06/15/2013 Start of a New Week

My week starts on Saturday nights. Work week that is.

And at the moment I'm awaiting the hot water to warm up so I can enjoy a nice hot shower before getting dressed and rushing off to work again.

And with that hot shower I can be deep and use my 10-15 minutes of solitude to free my mind of Sha influences. Hm... I should use that term more often. The Sha being manifestations of negative emotions such as doubt, anger, despair, fear, etc.

The emotional burden of their manifestation proves beyond a reasonable doubt that I have something worth doing. Namely: Seek Clarity.

Also need to go shopping in the morning. I'm out of cat litter again :/

06/14/2013 The Perplexities of the Late Night

I just woke up. And while I have to rub the sleep out of my eyes and there's an acrid flavor lingering on my tongue, I honestly don't fell all that tired. I can't help but wonder as to why exactly.


Could it be that in this time that has since been I  have actually gotten used to working nights again so much that I don't require as much sleep anymore?


Na that's not the case I'm still quite sure I'm forcing myself to some degree.

The kitties are doing well, considering it stormed so hard today. I'll go and get them some more water now.

06/13/2013 Sleep and OT

OT for this instance can be defined as Over Time.

As in the 6 extra hours this week that I've worked thus far. Which is of course 6 hours more than I was planning to work. And probably several hours less than i will end up working this week.

Ugh Soooo tired. I napped for like 2 hours after I came home and then punished myself with another 8 hours of awake. Granted I don't work tonight (god send imho).

To that respect I suppose I asked for this, and I am only getting what I asked for.

06/12/2013 Odd Dreams

My dreams have never had any real level of stability as the word would go.

In some processes, I can't even fathom why or how my mind would generate such an idea. 

I suppose then that it's only natural that sooner or later I'd have one with me eating pieces of circuitry. 

Yes. I seriously dreamed of munching on the green circuit board. Eating technology? Eating electronics? Is there a deeper meaning in all of this that I'm not yet approaching?

I can only suspect there is more sinister thoughts deep within my mind. 

The mild nausea that creeps into me as I think about it...

Ugh I'm going to go brush my teeth now and hope I don't find any chunks of green now. 

06/11/2013 Off to Work I go.!

Being not so productive.

But that's how it is. My mid-year evaluations are coming up. And as it would stand I'm doing pretty well with them this year. Work with the insurance company has treated me well thus far and I enjoy my status and will be in line for getting a promotion sometime soon :)

Granted I still would like to get move up and a different job or what not else. But that's a story for another blissful/blissless day.

Also kittens. They're pretty and yet oh so demented all in the same package.

Working on various creations still too.

06/09/2013 Dawnblade

An obscure reference that doesn't make much sense for the uninitiated, in this respect it is but a tangible essence of something passive that I've had nothing better to do but mention.

In other news. It's my Tuesday and I will soon be prepping to get my butt to work.

Monday's tomorrow and Hopefully by then my hotel registration will have gone through. Hopefully.

06/08/2013 Heroic

Just a mindset of things that have happened as of late. I'm sitting on my lazy ass being un-productive. Yes Un-productive. Granted I did sort and do half of my massive stack of laundry today so thats something right?

Work soon which means I must get dressed. And fresh clean clothes will surely help with my moral.

mmm fresh clean clothes :)

06/06/2013 Resting Again

It's a day of mellowing out and not sleeping properly. And tomorrow will begin a day of cleaning and more cleaning and yet more cleaning :(

I honestly haven't been feeling too good of late. Possible food poisoning or maybe it's because I haven't eaten any fruits/veges in a good week or so... And it's getting late and I don't want to spend any money so I'll probably just end up fixing something that I have in the fridge again.

Maybe a warm bowl of miso? That's a relatively safe meal no? A hot soup with a bit of kombu sliced in and some silken tofu on the side floating around for good measure.

If not I could just stirfry the porkchops I have in the fridge as well. I think I can add something to make it nice...

Ugh choices.

06/05/2013 Obligatory Birthday Post

I'm a year older.

In the crazy scheme of things, I'm smarter, wiser and for the most part, more charming.

I sit at my computer as always and while I'm not likely to have done anything productive for this particular day in question, I can't help but think that I have actually gained something. And by something I mean a few pounds.

Meh. I'm a bit overweight and I know it. One of those life goals I can hope to change right?

It's something.

In other news my two boys are being as bastardly as ever. They sit on my bed and plead most pitifully because their catfood bowls are only 45% filled.

I take pity on them and feed them their evening meal. I wanna sleep some more.

In another life I suppose I may have been a house cat. And just did as I pleased for my own entertainment. But in this one I have the power of being a human and I choose not to do much with it. Is that a sign I'm just a lazy braggart? Or maybe more sinister things are at play here.

Hm...

Ah well. TO SHOWER!

06/04/2013 Prep

In a few hours this one will age again.

Twenty Four times around the sun hm?

I'm old again. Older. And that's something.

I really wish I had someone special to share this day with. I know I won't but that doesn't stop me from wishing I did have someone here for me for this day.

I think I'll spend much of the day simply sitting here counting the number of people who have wished me a happy one. And by that number quantify my abject popularity and amount of how much I am loved.

Stupid shenanigans but still.

06/03/2013 Monday?

Well damn it's Monday isn't it.

Looks like I'm in for a ride this week. With any luck everything will work out as I want it to.

06/02/2013 So Soon?

It's Sunday again. I'm sitting on my butt waiting for the day to be over.

Day/Night.

Work again soon. But clean freshly dryed laundry to put on my back and against my overwieght ass.

So yes It is a good day. And I will have a great night.

And now to get my butt to work :)

06/01/2013 4 days till my birthday

A new month! And yes Birthday soon.

It's Wednesday this year. Which of course means it is on a horrible day that has me in the middle of my week.

Ah well I'll be better off in a day or so.

Have Tuesday off.

5/30/2013 Last Day of May

May's finally over?

Already? But I've only just met you :( Please don't go just yet. I want to spend some more time with you.

If you go....

That means it'll be June.

And then I have to get older.

Ugh.

05/30/2013 Flames

I'm really sad right now. It's hard to explain exactly why.

And I really don't want to go into it. I'll leave it be I suppose.

05/29/2013 Lack of Validity

The cats are hungry.


And yes I am too.

I'm going to get dressed and get some of that food in me now.

05/28/2013 Home is?

Home is where the heart is, home is where the heart is at peace.

Well no, to either. I am at peace where-ever I want to be.

At the current time, home is where my two bastards live. White and black tip both reside with me in this apartment and I am home with them.
 Both are sleeping on my bed and being lazy bastards and all is at peace.

05/27/2013 Holiday

So it's a corporate holiday for most people.

I am not most people.

I am a workaholic.

Indeed. I've worked more overtime hours in the last year than the rest of my team combined. It's gotten to the point where my supervisor has asked if I'd like some days off and has been helping to push through some of my time off requests.

That's a bad thing right?

Ah well I like the monies.

05/26/2013 Fat

That's how I'm feeling at the moment. And yes I'm aware that feeling fat and being fat are two different things. The first being the perception and quality of the mind being in a specific manner and the latter being the actual quality of having an unhealthy amount of adipose tissue.

Granted the fact remains that I don't really give a damn about being unhealthy.

05/25/2013 Misery

What in the end is conflict?

What is the meaning of finding peace in one's self?

It is the ability of one know the righteous path and bar out the madness that would drive him or her to find depravity.

It is the solace brought by knowing and earning one's keep in the greater scheme of the world.

In this one must find and learn; In this one must be and prosper.

05/24/2013 What size shirt do you wear?

Definitely one of my more random questions.

What provokes it?

Simple. Someone on my twitter feed mentioned wanting a T-shirt.

I really don't know him all that well so I have honestly no clue what size shirt he wears. I suppose it doesn't really matter since I don't plan on getting him said shirt. 

In other news. Cleaning in progress. Haven't gotten far with it mind you but progress is progress. 

Also kittens. They smell clean. And I like that clean smell on them. 

05/23/2013 A Well Deserved Rest

It will be Friday soon. And with it, another week past.


I've done well for myself if I do say so.

I'm in a stable position of mind and body for the time. And while I could do better with cooking things that are actually nutritiously sound.

I really don't have must to talk about at this moment, maybe I'll be back at a later time to fix and write more. Till then.

05/22/2013 Registration

Currently and still unsuccessfully attempting to register for this event I want to go to next year.

And the system is going down. Repeatedly Because several hundred other people are also doing the exact same thing. As such. Their system is crashing and I'm frustrated like no other.

Also it's my Friday, so work soon. Ugh. Work.

05/21/2013 Rest

What is rest but the absence of action?

What is sleep but one's feeble attempts to get said rest?

I couldn't tell you. And better yet I wouldn't want to.

It's moments before I should leave for work but rather than getting ready and making sure I have all of my possessions equipped, instead I watch my cats wage war on each other. Kitty A has very recently had his hunger sated and is thus sitting at the foot of my bed to plot world domination.

Kitty B is on my floor. He's mad that I won't let him nibble on the ethernet cords anymore. It's for his own good. He looks around and nervously paws at the carpet. He hasn't been feeling very well up to late. I almost feel bad.

They're both at what would be known as "rest" Though in reality both of them are doing nothing. And as such they act as nothing and nothing moves and is never more at rest.

05/20/2013 Flying too close to the Sun

Yes it's another day when my title is an obscure reference with me not giving you any context on the matter.

I'm here at home still. calmly waiting for my hair to dry itself out. As I finally decided to do another session of deep conditioning :)

It's going to be one of those longer nights undoubtedly. Haven't worked Mondays in ages but with the schedule change I'll have to do my best to make sure I'm sane for this.

Redbulls and other not so healthies away!

In other news. kittens are both doing well. The black patches on Morgam's legs are getting darker and I think he's growing into his adult coat. Nasari on the other hand is remaining the same as ever.

And while both of my kittens are loveable bastards, I can't help but think they're secretly brilliant animals and that I haven't found their skills yet.

Also shout out to awesome showergel. The Old Spice wolfthorn or whatever it's called is awesome on my skin :)

05/19/2013 Rain

Lightning, Thunder, and Rain.

It's nights like this that I wish I was at home sleeping. But sadly I have work. And work doesn't give a damn if it's flooding outside.

I should have gotten up an hour ago. But I wanted to rest some more and so I slept for a good 11 hours today. In the process, I didn't notice that my sleep was actually getting more messed up at each turn of the process.

Why?

Because the moisture content of the air was getting lower. And as such it was easier for me to breathe and likewise I slept more and more :/

And so now I'm awake. A mild seaweed salad to keep me sane. Some mixed cereals and a pack of coconut  water to rehydrate me. I'm going to freshen up and get going for another exciting night of work :)

05/18/2013 Dumplings

Dumplings. Such delicious-ness.

And more are cooking. Such perfection with this slightly sweet vinegar.

Even better are the other things I bought :)

Dried persimmons, Wakamu, Hot Sauce and several other things that are delicious.


Oh so delicious :)

Yes I'm a fat bastard who eats too much.

05/17/2013 Last.

It will probably end poorly.

How I aspire for such good things only to have them shattered so abruptly.

Also need to rest soon. Eyes are heavy and not feeling all too well. I'm going to go rest some more and maybe have a safer evening in the long run. I can only hope so.

05/16/2013 Thursday

Yes I realize the redundant nature of specifying that today is Thursday. However in a way, it's incredibly necessary.

It's my "weekend" and I'm happy that I don't have to be in to work until Saturday evening.

This time yesterday I was still in an oppressively long training session. And what not :/

Oh yes. I'm home now. It's warm. I'm questioning if the AC is working or if it's just because of the solar radiation in my room. My cats have stopped fighting because it's too hot to fight.

Ah yes. that's why it's so fucking warm. Hell froze over and so did my AC unit. :/ Not cool cheap ass AC thing. Not cool.

I'm about to melt from the heat. And so I bid the internets adeiu as the heat permeating from my systems probably isn't helping the warmth problem.

05/15/2013 Crash

I will be later today. As in about 12 hours from now.

I'll get my butt home and in a grand KAPLUMPH I'll land in bed and pass out for an undisclosed amount of time. How do I know this? Because I've been awake for 13 hours already and I have another 12 of stuff that must be done in the day.

I start my day with 2 breakfasts actually.

The first at home will comprise of cereal and other savories.

And a second one of fruit at the hotel where I'll be going for my extended day long training.

05/14/2013 Another 24 hours.

Because for the life of me I don't know why the fuck I keep doing these 24 hour rotations. I know they're fucking with my circadian rhythm. And if tomorrow's exciting day of stuff doesn't keep me awake, I'll probably drive into a wall. Hooray for Monster and other not so healthy things.

Rehab me and make me realize my falicies.

No I still can't spell.


NO I honestly don't give a damn that I can't spell.

I need to get dressed. Like ready to go dressed : /


Screw my reality and how things are.

05/13/2013 Another exciting night of training

Because my job requires it and I magically am able to wake up at this hour. And so to supplement my madness I'm getting dressed and ready for it. Hoping I don't forget something necessary.

But yeah, not going to be doing much tomorrow, Considering the fact that I'll be getting off at like 5 in the morning, I might have time to join the breakfast rush at one restaurant or another. Maybe I'll just buy some eggs and cook something of my own?

Kittens are both doing fine. They fight once in a while but I always awaken to both of them purring ever so softly.

05/12/2013 Further Expeditions into Dreamland

Dreams are interesting things aren't they. They represent small tidbits of a past that I can't remember.

And since my sleep schedule is all kinds of messed up, I can't help but wonder if I should be sleeping or if I'm really just awake once more.

It's interesting how these daily journal tidbits are going. They feel more and more like a scrap of some weird pointless module that I must contemplate.

05/11/2013 Passionfruit and Curry

I am not one to question dreams. As they often have little real meaning in the grand scheme of things. And likewise, it is often of little use trying to say if a dream has any real meaning beyond the obvious of the fact that it is a dream.

I bring this up at all because I dreamt of passionfruit. Ones that were of this most interesting yellow and white.

Its been ages since I've eaten passionfruit. And honestly I can't even seem to remember what it smells like. But this dream was just so vivid...

I should go shopping sometime and see if I can't find some. Passionfruit vines are pretty common if memory serves right.

05/10/2013 Farming

Nasari and company are doing well. Morgam and he are no longer at war, but I can sense the tenious peace could be shattered at any time. They groom each other on occasion but that could just be them acting like they're not fighting for my sake. And I suppose for that I should be thankful.

No training tonight thankfully but it will still be a long long time till I have any real peace.

Freshening up now for work wondering how best to negate the heat sink thats in my room :(

05/09/2013 As if the world is out to get me.

Not as much sleep as I would have preferred. Which of course means. I'm going to have a shitty night. Though I suppose 7 hours and a hot shower isn't a bad amount.

Monster rehab (green tea) will be nice to keep me functional.

And oh yes. delicious delicious chocolates later in the night.

It'll be Friday soon right? Then let it be a sane Friday, one in which I don't have to give much of a damn about anything.

Let my night be calm and the power not fail my phone or MP3 device. And oh lawdy please don't let there be a super storm or angry folk calling me at 4 in the mornin.

05/08/2013 Machete

Machetes are dangerous tools. They harm the forest and have been known to commit various acts of genocidal violence over the ages in many different climates.

And of course no one that I know really NEEDS a machete. They might like to have one handy for various things but no one ever really needs such a tool in suburbia.

Which I suppose then raises the question of why I have one.

Because I wanted one. Is probably the best answer I can think of. Because I don't see why I shouldn't. And it's on sale.

Because in America, things are dictated by whats on sale. And when things are on sale, even the things you'd never have a use for in a thousand years become substantially more interesting.

05/07/2013 Training.

I honestly hate training. It's some BS :/

And so I'm about to have to get going because of said training. Should probably shower and freshen up at least before that.

But hey it's not the end of the world (just yet) I can still recover from this sleep setback. Maybe.

05/06/2013 Rare

What truly is the definition of Rare? Is it simply what we have less of or does the term have to originate in such a fashion as to make one wonder the greater complexities of life?

And better yet why am I questioning what the term rare really defines?

As it would be, I'm actually at home.

I'm relaxing and watching my kitties stalk each other. I'll feed them in a moment. Toss them some noms and then sit back and watch them wage war again. They better not damage my new monitor or there will be hell to pay :/

05/05/2013 Cinco?

So besides the rather corny joke I could make about... well pun about the Sith being that yesterday was International Star War's day. Today is get hammered on Tequila day. Except. I. Hate. Tequila.

Like I can totally understand how fermented agave juice may be delicious to some people and how it's instrumental to making an excellent margarita with. BUT no. Just no. Or at least not for me.

It's already mid day ish for me. I've been up since 6ish? Maybe? I don't even know anymore. Eitherway I'm home and about to get dressed for my Friday. One more night of delightful bullshit and then I'm home free for a day and a half before Tuesday's training screws up my weekends all kinds of sideways again :/

I'd go so far as to say the system is out to get me because that's really how it feels with all of this BS work that I have to get done.

But for now. I'm just going to freshen up. Grab a clean shirt and hop in my car for work. Wish me madness or wish me suerte.

05/04/2013 May the Force be with you.

And while I'm not a particular fan of the Star War's universe; I accept that it could in theory co-exist with the Star Trek universe. How? Because the universe is kinda endless and endless means that it could :)

But yes because the internet is punny. Today of all days is international Star Wars day. A day to celebrate the not so great creation of a mostly mediocre movie from what is it the 70s now? Well damn that movie is old. Well ok the whole story line is old. And while the spin offs make our generation what it is today. It really is more interesting to focus on how the story progresses forward from the points we've allowed it to have right?

05/03/2013 They're Family

Today I awoke to my kittens. Together not waging war. Sleeping next to one another. And then I was also pleasantly surprised to see Nasari actually grooming Morgam.

I think I can safely believe that the two won't kill each other should I leave them be. Instead. Nasari has accepted that the other kitty won't be leaving and now I'm officially a dad to two adorable though silly kittens.

05/02/2013 New Computer.

Nothing too flashy. Found a good deal on Woot and decided that I should spend my tax return on a new system. Still need a DVI cable to make my monitor work properly but otherwise I think I'm set for the time being.

Kitties are being lazy bastards and sleeping the night away. As for me, I'm just here being myself and doing as I see fit. Should make for an interesting turn of events should I ever have anything more to think about.

Work shortly and with that the prospects of everything that I have to deal with. Another evening of BS that I shouldn't be too surprised about.

Hey it's life. I should have my certifications done soon. And as such it'll be pretty awesome. With any luck job promotion sometime in the near future? Or a better position? Either or.

04/30/2013 Friends.

My cats. For whatever reason. They've stopped fighting today. And I'm so amazed and happy about it.

Well ok, they still fight but for the most part they just sit and stare at each other.

I'm happy about it to say the least. It's nice to know that they can get along. Even if they choose not to.

04/29/2013 Cereal

So today of all days I was craving a peppery fiery soup to make my day better.

And after making said soup and enjoying it to my biggest capacity,I had oene more craving.

And of all things I had to crave something sweet. Of course if you knew my apartment I normally don't carry sweet foods. I'm more of a savory kinda guy.

That being said. Cereal. It was on sale yesterday and I happened to get some.

Let me tell you, it was a great buy :)


Something sweet and unhealthy (hey I'm not going to lie and say it's good for me.

Also lots of spelling mistakes tonight. Dunno why.

04/28/2013 Twelve

I'll be awake until about 8:30 tomorrow morning. At which time I'll arrive back at my home. I'll sit on my ass and game for a bit and talk for a bit and then pass the fuck out.

It's a righteous kinda story.

And now that I am freshly showered, I just need to find clean socks and then off to Publix. Again mind you. Because I'm out of cat litter again ;/

I swear I take care of two shit machines. They eat, get into arguments and then shit. Lots and lots of shit. Like I have to dump out this box twice a week. Which reminds me *GET TRASHBAGS*

And while you're at it, tea. More tea for the night. A mug wouldn't hurt either.

04/27/2013 Tong Hao

Also known as the Garland Chrystnthemum and a bunch of other names and mumbo jumbo.

For me. it's a delicious vegetable that adds a very refreshing bitterness to my noodles. Not to mention it's packed with all that good stuff that your doctor keeps telling you to eat.


Mmmm....


But yes it was a lovely day off for me and tomorrow I begin anew with another 12 hour work night and what not else associated with it. I suppose it'll be a sign of the times if I ever get around to being happy with myself and the status of things to come.

With any luck my new compy will be here in the next few days.

04/26/2013 Rhyme.

Because in life, two things that make no sense bind to it.

In other news. I got bored and hooked my laptop to my TV.

It's an interesting change of events. I've never done the double screens with my laptop before and indeed it is an interesting change of events.

I wonder what it'll be like when I kill zombies with it :P

Oh yes the other monitor came in. And now to wait for my laptop :)

04/25/2013 For the Spanish?

Well no not really. I was just in one of my AoE 2 moods and decided that I wanted to play as the Spanish because converting my enemies is an awesome strategy. Anyway that aside, I'm in for a shitty shitty night.

12 hour shift? Of course I want a 12 hour shift. I start at 7:30 and don't get off until 8 AM. Exciting stuff for me. And then I'm going to stop by the Publix (out of cat litter and what not).

My two princes are being bastards once more and won't stop fighting :( It saddens me to see the two of them so, how I wish I could actually leave them in the same room. But sadly I fear I'd come home to a corpse if I were to do that. And as such I can't. These two brothers will have to be kept apart. As is the way things are in my life.

For now though, I'm going to leave a bit earlier than usual and stop by someplace for noms and caffeine. Something to keep me sane tonight.

04/23/2013 General Self-Loathing

Because I spent part of the day asleep. And the rest of the day stopping my two kittens from killing each other.

And while they seem to have finally resolved not to attack each other, I now am at a moral delimma of how the hell am I going to take care of them should I ever need to go out of town or anything of that nature?

04/21/2013 C'est

Gonna be sick again. Herbal medicine working slower than I would have hoped it would :(

04/24/2013 Debates on Social Issues

I'm sitting here fresh out of the shower and I think to myself: "Why is Gay Marriage an issue?"

Aren't there bigger things that everyone should be worried about? You know like the impeding overpopulation crisis. Or global hunger, deforestation, loss of biodiversity, hell even the BS war thats about to happen between North Korea and the World.

Instead, the world (and more specifically Americans) focus on the same religious oriented BS that has been plaguing the world for years.

Just get over it? It's not hurting you if two people wanna get married. If you're too butt hurt over something this small, go protest the war or something; at least then you'll have some legitimate reason to be a bitch.

04/22/2013 Rest for the sleepy eyed.

Rest because I just pulled 14 hours. And am alive.

Running on caffeine. Not particularly healthy, no. But I'm alive. So that's saying something about myself.

Cats ecstatic about my return. Sadly no fun time for me as I must rest and rest is the only allotment I will allow. Be back up around 10.

04/20/2013 Kelp

So I started watching another Korean cooking drama.

And of all things I started craving Korean chili paste.

And of course I decided to spend a bunch of my monies at the Asian market solely to get such items.

And as such. For dinner. I made some kelp dipped in spicy Korean chili paste.

I'm sure the Koreans have a name for such a delicious treat. My gut on the other hand will probably bitch slap me repeatedly in the morning.

Ah well, regret is for the living. And I will keep regretting such life decisions. Though to be honest I missed Asian food. Like a whole whole lot. and having something small like this will make me feel better in the long run.

04/19/2013 Defy

As I think about it, I'm fucking racist.

No really, I really am.

And this isn't anything about the whole Boston incident that's on going right now.

Rather I'm racist against my own ethnicity.

And while that sounds stupid as fuck. It really isn't.

It's how I was raised to see everything as competition. How much of my childhood was full of the same bullshit about how I wasn't like the other kids. And why could I be like X or Y or Z. And that. That is the reason I'm racist today.

At the core of it all, I'm a good person. I just hate because I was emotionally trained to. It's part of the reason I can't look at pictures of faces and equally as much a reason why I don't find peace in anything anymore. That feeling that I can't even stare at my own reflection. That is something very troubling.

04/18/2013 Garlic Crabs

Because I crave unhealthy things once in a while. And a messy crab dish will be amazing.

04/16/2013 Abuse

The internet. I has wifi again. It's an interesting feeling to have it again. I don't know why I feel strangely happy about it though.

Also it being Tuesday, I have to figure out whats so special about today.

Something feels different. I can't say exactly what but something feels off.

I still have one kitty butt staring out the window searching. Searching for something Or maybe he's just a scout adept and is fascinated by EVERYTHING that moves. Of course the most logical thing to think about is that he has noted another animal outside and being that he is a cat. Everything that isn't him must either be a big scary monster or competition.

Morgam has fit into the family pretty well I'd have to say. I was originally caught between calling him Shaymi or Efai. But neither really fit him as well as I thought they might. Shaymi has a distinct feminine feel to the name. As for Efai. Is it rude to call a cat chubby? Well Morgam is built well, body weight distinguished and what not. As for the rest of him he's not exactly Nasari's skinny self.

No I'm not going to call my cat fat. He's a doll but not a fat doll.

04/15/2013 Taxes

Because I like procrastinating. And while I should be an adult and not procrastinate on such things, I know I'll finish it quickly...

04/14/2013 Integration

Today my kittens stayed all of 5 minutes without trying to attack each other. A bit of isolation seems to have done the trick. AND they're both behaving.

It seems the key is to not make them jealous of the other but to let them realize that waging war isn't fruitful in either of their ambitions to take control of my room and property.

04/13/2013 New Family Member

Morgam. I think it's pretty much set now that this bastards name will be Morgam.

He sniffs everything. And after being acclimated to my room for a bit, he no longer is waging war with Nasari. The two still have far to go before they're "friends" but I forsee them not killing each other tonight should I leave them be.

I'll post pictures when I'm able to :)

04/12/2013 Three More Minutes.

Three more minutes until my alarm went off, I sat there in bed. Eyes closed as if I were actually going to be able to fall asleep or something.

The back of my throat itches and is parched and probably the long suffering victim of nasal drip or some other farfetched medical mumbojumbo that the latest miracle drug could assist.

I'd lie there and think to myself: "Well damn, just three more minutes? That's a shit load of time. Just a little longer in bed then."

My right hand would clasp onto the phone with a vice like grip and I'd be out of it. So fucking out of it.

04/11/2013 Airplanes in the Night Sky

Yes I'm listening to that song.

It happens from time to time when I'm at a lost for a better things to do/think about.

No my sentences tonight are in disjointed segments AGAIN. And no I don't particularly care for grammar at the moment. Or general conventions of English normalcy or ya know anything else for that matter.

It's one of those nights, I just wanna turn on the TV and fall into a pit of music. I've got an exciting shift that gets off at 8 AM and while I was able to get about 6 hours of sleep, I have a nasty feeling that I'll be in need of red bull to get me through my madness.

Though I suppose it's as good as any other chance to enjoy cranberry and see how it comes out. I suppose considering how I end up downing all of these cranberry cocktails, that at least part of me seriously enjoys the tart and urinary tract strengthening brew.

Hm... Cranberry Vodka? VOOODKA. VOOOODKA!. I've heard of a particular honey vodka blend from Europe. I must find myself such a bottle. Refinement in it's finest :)

VOOOODKA.

04/10/2013 Blurred Vision

I wonder if all of my current issues are a side effect of the mucinex that I've been taking for my cough/cold.

There indeed could be a direct correlation between general sickness/fatigue/drymouth/disorientation.

Hot shower and steam inhalation seems to have done some kind of trick as I'm feeling marginally better.

In other news job shadow in morning, hoping for a slow night so I can research some good questions to ask. 

04/09/2013 MVP

AOE 2 came out today for Steam.

It sucks as much as I remember it to.

Which is to say I love the game. BUT currently the multiplayer lag is making the experience horrid.

How am I to micromanage or improve my micromanaging skills if my armies and gatherers jump across the terrain and are in general unable to do as I command them to?

For the most part, the game for today was pretty good. I learned that I'm about a mid rank player. Not exceptional by any means but better than plenty of other players.

I haven't mastered the strategy necessary to be an exceptional player yet but then again, I never claimed to be a god or anything.  I suppose in the months to come, I will learn and in learning improve.

04/08/2013 Weary

Weary eyes.

Painful rest. It's hot. and this one wants only to sleep.

Did I mention it's hot? The apartment gets solar radiation much of the day. Which leads to issues.

Many of them. I feel bad for kitten in that sense. He has that dense coat of fur on that won't be mattering all that much.

And yes. I'm sitting here. Resting. It's my day off. My "Saturday" if you will.

And I look forward to enjoying myself :)

04/07/2013 Horrid Husky

Huskies. They're evil evil dogs.

Such adorable faces, friendly natures and that damn curl.

:( makes me sad that I don't have one.

Yes I'm kinda craving a doggy.

Nothing wrong with the kitty of course. He's just not very affectionate.

04/05/2013 So much to do

So yeah, another evening spent doing not much. Slept in and what not.

And here I am getting ready for work and suddenly remember Jinx has a sale :/


UGH.

Well may have to miss that sale then it seems.

Kitty is making strange mewing news I can only assume he's hungry. I should probably feed him before he mauls my face off. Or worse shit.

I hate him so much sometimes. But then, all relationships are lovehate. 

04/03/2013 Illness Stage 3

The kind where you're sick and you know you're sick.  But logically you shouldn't be sick anymore because it's been nearly 3 weeks. And so at the very least by simple math you shouldn't be infectious anymore.

Yes that kind of sick.

And on a related note I need to shower. Like now. Wash the darkness from my mind and being. And get ready to drive my ass to work. I'm sufficiently awake now. Crushed by the indignation of rejection. And as it is burned into my mind for yet another night. I can't help but wonder if this is a type of Karma.


But if they say no. I'll relent on my madness and accept my fate. So be it. Shower, then work.

04/02/2013 Dust

All that is will return to that which gave it life in the first place.

Be it nothing more than the hope and lost memories.

Dust and Ash. Two in the same are these materials of old. They represent a memory. Can you figure out which one?

IN one we have the hopes. They are found by the lost and represent the forward movement that is the rest.

Ash. That which comes from the flame. Burned and reduced.

Dust. That which comes from the dead. Deceased and moved.

In each memory slight hopes can be found still.

Maybe that's what it is meant to be.

04/01/2013 April The First

It's the First day of this fourth month of the new year.

And supposedly the world is in a laughing mood. Full of trickery, mockery and general tom foolery.

I on the other hand will not partake.

Instead.

...

Instead I will be at home.

I will raise great roads amongst the lands and from that point build tower sky scrapers to ascend to the heavens.

Yes punctuation. It. Is. Useful. And. The. Lack. Of. Its. Use. And. Its. Over. Use. Is. Evil.

But on that note, I'm not being productive, I'm playing Sim City because it's a good game now that server issues aren't prevalent.

Outside. There are black people shouting explictives. I could swear I heard something breaking. I snuck a peek outside as my cat would and didn't see any damage to my car. And so I'll sit back and be invisible. I don't care much to get between that shit.

03/31/2013 Last

It's the last day of this month. And so March ends. March dies. March moves on.

And at the end of it, what do I end up saying?

I suppose it's just that April is coming. And I'm happy it'll be here soon.

03/29/2013 Tisane

A Tisane or Infusion as it is sometimes synonym-ed as represents one of the most basic qualities that can be exploited from most herbs with flowering tops or delicate leaves.

The main constituent of these liquids of course is likely to be the dissolved essential oils and other particulates that are broken down into the hot water base.

So what is the easiest to call these things? "Herbal Teas" comes to mind. But by definition a tea must contain some part of the Camelia Sinesis plant. Yes I probably mispelled that. No I don't really care. I'm an herbalist in my own right. And if I so choose to spell things a little off. So be it.

03/27/2013 Just In Case

Because I'm not feeling well.

In case of what? I dunno nothing.

Nothing at all really, just wanted to say that for some reason. Cat is disdaneful of me.

Little bastard. He's one year old already and still treats me as a royal toy.

03/26/2013 Changing

For all that is in life must be in motion, lest the tides take you out to sea and nevermore the shore finds your being.

Oh that which was always found, was never lost to begin with; yet evermore should be desired should have want never known.
 

And so when the memories are and those who may never know. It is then that we truly can learn and contemplate from ourselves. 

03/25/2013 OD

I technically ODed today.

I somehow came to think that downing a bottle of cough syrup would make myself feel better. How shitty my supposition was.

Ended up almost throwing up. Throat feels better after I slept but that may just be a fact that I slept for once.

Word to remember sleep is a greater medicine than most things I can voodoo together

03/24/2013 Anti-Thesis

Because.


Wallowing away in life's darker reasons I decided against sanity and choose to enjoy more work. Because work is good right? Work makes money. And money can be used to afford trips and general happiness.

03/23/2013 Coughing

Fits of coughing. An acquaintence noted it might be of the Whooping variety.

Well damn. I hope not. If it is a lot of my coworkers are now infected with the bacterium.

Lets see if I can't cure it with a mix of herbalist know how and general tinkering?

All I need are Chamomile, Eucalyptus, Rose and some Lavendar. A deep and strong inhalation to purge whatevers in my lungs.

Fluid build up maybe? Or as I fancifully think, a colony of worms. Lovely little buggers burrowing through my alveoli puncturing and causing fluid build up. I don't doubt it could happen.

03/22/2013 Still coughing up a lung

Because that's a trend now. Sitting at home and dying before work :(

03/21/2013 Continuing stories of sickness

Because I swear there are lumps in my chest or something.

Specifically my lungs. The coughing sensation I get hit with once every few minutes really isn't cool. Not being able to breathe sucks just as much. Attempting to relax but feeling like there are knives shredding ones self from within. Even and much worse.

I lie in my room and hope that I can live out another few hours. Agony and general pain. Well no it's not nearly that bad but as a writer I embellish as necessary.

I might stop by Publix or something later tonight and pickup some Eucalyptus leaves to make a steam inhalation with. A small kettle for some tea wouldn't hurt either.

03/20/2013 Upload

So many pictures to upload, finalize and make better.

Penguins, Polar Bears and Statues Oh My.

People in animal costumes and all the rest :)


Which is to say of course that I've got a shit ton of pictures to upload.

And as such I'm going to listen to David Guetta for as long as my mind will let me. 

Kitty stares at me. And in the semi-darkness I'm not sure if he's just being judgmental or not caring.

03/19/2013 Rest For The Concrud

Amazingly little PCD. Yet I've got a massive case of I'm not even sure what it was.

Ugh. Hiccups + hacking coughs + general fatigue and dizziness. I thought I was dehyrdated but this is bad.

03/17/2013 Sunday Draws

Quiet. Settles on Maple Wolf Abbey.

Silence. Moments and moments left unheard. There is chaos brewing all around me. Yet I am oblivious to it. I'm scared kind of. I don't know where I want or where I am to go. And most of all I don't know how to move forward as I should.

03/15/2013 Enjoying Myself.

Oh god I love making out...

I really enjoyed myself :)

Yes Chris is a pretty awesome friend for spending time with me.

03/14/2013 Pi and Traveling

This one is going to be at the airport in a bit. Lots of traveling today. Flight to Atlanta at 6 and then deciding on my sanity and deciding if I should Marta my butt to the hotel or say fuck it and get a taxi. Well I suppose a shuttle wouldn't hurt.

Marta is only what 6 stops? And by myself it'll be a hassle. But I might just do it.

I have to call my cab soon. Here's to me being awesome and traveling like an awesome wolf.

03/13/2013 Pre-planning Packing.

It's like I really am not worried about anything. Which I think I should be. Because packing should be already be on my things DONE list.

And yet like making sure kitty has enough cat litter; I haven't gotten around to it. I'm such a bad person.

Instead I'm listening to remixes on youtube.

And subsequently wishing I had musical skill :(

Ah well.

Trip starts shortly. Imma nap a few sparse hours and then get my packing on.

03/12/2013 Perma

Planning phase 3 intiate! So much stuff left to do but we're in the final stretch m'dears!


POWER TO HE WHO PLANS AND KNOWS HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OUT OF LIFE!

03/11/2013 Odahviing

Because dragons don't tame themselves and this Dragonborn needs something to do while his greens cook :)

In related news, issues with my blogger are arising again. And it annoys me, but it's tolerable.

I'm catching a dragon now. And while I do so. Kitten is sitting here thinking I'm a useless bastard.

In other news travels this weekend. I'm looking forward to them all :)

03/10/2013 Unexplained Dreams.

Peppers. I was harvesting peppers in a greenhouse. Large red ones that curved in an odd manor. Someone shouted: "FIRE!" and in the chaos many people came rushing in, probably to look after their peppers while I went and shuffled out.

I don't know anymore the world and place I was at is hardly something I'm familiar with, it must be a recent construct.

03/09/2013 A blistering headache

If ever I were to have one. This feeling of intense emotion that permeates my head. Ugh. I shudder to think of why I am to be cursed with such.

And so I sit here, leveling Raeshani. She takes her blade in hand and soon would become the arch-magus. It is fated. And the achievements that will come tell of the same story.

I suppose it could be further thought then that her abilities were always to be but that would be of a different matter. I will retire again now. To the comforts and safety of my bed. Where I will rest another hour or two and stat my night anew.

03/08/2013 The Power of Choice

Choice is a dangerous thing. We often don't realize that small fact but it really is. Think for a moment about what could happen if you didn't have a real choice in the matter of things. Would you feel nearly as competent in your trade or craft?

Would you be where you are if you had no choice in the matter? Granted many of us may be in rather shitty situations and thus think we never had a choice in the matter; the simple fact remains that we do have a choice in the matter.

03/07/2013 Over Budget

Sorrows cloud my judgement. As anger and strife take hold.

03/06/2013 Let the blame follow the user

I could have saved $160. I seriously could.

Mind you I didn't because I didn't have the foresight to plan an impending doom situation with my debit card.

6 days. That's how long I've been locked out of my own bank account. And not because of my error. My bank seriously lost my address. So yes. I'm pissed off. Lots.

I'm getting dressed now so I can function at work and be productive and shit. And hopefully as I played my cards correctly I should be safe on everything I had originally planned for my trip next week.

Sans the shitstorm that may ensue. I should be fine. Here's to hoping for that $1600 paycheck that I budgeted (well ok I really only budgeted a $1200 paycheck but that may be hopeful thinking)

03/05/2013 Plan Changes

Nothing is a certain.

All things in this life and the next have a beginning and an end. And often times the blurring of the two leads to many issues that can not be foreseen.

03/04/2013 Use of Alcohol

Reviewing things in my beloved Skyrim, I came to note a small ESRB rating factor of "Use of Alcohol."

And then I think to myself. But... But... drinking in this game doesn't get you intoxicated :/


And therefore the use of alcohol is purely trivial. For it functions as any other potion or food item as a temporary buff and debuff that has no real purpose as it was stated. Hell if you changed it's name it wouldn't pose an issue at all would it?

Though I suppose one could not exist in the land of skyrim without alcohol as it is the lifeblood of a province.

What would the jarls and various heroes do without their beloved mead? Hell it plays a central part of at least two major story lines.

In that sense I suppose the use of alcohol is less a factor in the minds of the reviewers than as one of those things they have to warn about.

Because seriously playing Skyrim won't be making me want to fireball people any more so in real life than I normally do. And I though I'm a most adept blacksmith in the game, I have no real interest in the crafting of fine metal or leather goods in real life.

The only thing this game has made me want more is the ability to fly on the back of a dragon (which won't be happening any time in the near future, so meh). Well I would love to be an alchemist but my knowledge of herbalore is limited at best and in a world of science, it means little :(

03/03/2013 It's Cold.

Fuck this weather. It's cold. Like really really cold. Like it shouldn't be this cold in Florida in March.

No seriously Freeze warnings? What are we Canada?

I'm cold and my cat stares at me and wonders what I'm thinking. At which I believe he can read my mind. And that worries me somewhat.

In other news as my texts have figured out, my world is made of people who are scared and want to message me to say that they're afraid of themselves and have no friends.

03/02/2013 The Sins of Being Popular

Take for a moment not to look at one's self and instead at the world that always was.

In that moment realize that you are but a simple minded advanced primate who sits on his/her butt and stares at a complex compendium of flashing lights known as a computer.

Ponder on the intrinsic nature of that which is always lingering within one's reach. And with it know one's truth and meaning.

It is in that moment that you will realize eternally that you are but a spec of organic carbon bound to nothing more. You're meaning is basic and pointless and here of all places you'll learn that as nothing, you have the potential to become everything.

03/01/2013 Good Planning.

This one is brilliant. Because he plans ahead for shit that he doesn't expect to happen.

Such as having a book of checks ready so that when the complex's internet system decides to die he can still pay his rent on time.

Because yes book of checks is awesome.

That being said, his card should still work. And he shouldn't be not eating for no apparent reason.

02/28/2013 Call Me Maybe?

Listening to remixes because I can.

This one in particular is rather catchy. And I'm not totally sure as to why I like it so much.

Yeah ^

It's stuck in my head like a mofo. And no its not because I'm a depressed little hopeless romantic. (which I'm not denying I am).

I'm searching for something out there. Like the lonely dove whom coos incessantly but to no avail as no one can hear him. Yes like that. Like a melodramatic soap that you have to hate because of the subject matter but you can't hate that much since it's somewhat touching.

Nonetheless many many things conspire against me. The least of which is myself. I don't really know how to love myself so how can I care about others?

My upbringing has turned me in a shallow mess of various things.

The most core of these aspects is that I don't know how to love.

02/27/2013 Metaphysics

Well I suppose the correct term may or may not be metaphysics.

However the coincidental nature of my dream and how I woke up when some diety aspect in said dream told me the music would end soon. Yeah that's somewhat irritating/creepy/etc?

So in said dream, I'm all LADIDA! DREAM WORLD.

And then all of a sudden I'm trying to explain to someone the dimensional basis and property value as related to that which is lower hell and upper hell. As it would be. Upper hell is a separate plane of existence from lower hell.

In the planetarium that my mind created, upper hell is in semblance to a plane. A seemingly endless expanse of what I can assume must be matter that extends in all directions. Lower Hell and what I presume as Terra existed as tear drop shaped projections propelling away from either expanse of said plane. And though I can't say for sure if the three realms touched. I'm not one to question something along those lines.

In other news, sleep is a fleeting thing for me but such scientifically orienting dreams are uncommon place to me as subject matter that I readily remember from the dreamscape.

I can only wonder what it means for me.

02/26/2013 On Pokemon

Well I guess it's confession time once again.

I still play pokemon semi-regularly.

I say semi-regularly because my ds charger is shit and the cat using it as a chew toy hasn't exactly helped it's life span.

That being said.

I'm working on my soul silver again.

Yes I know I'm more into Heart Gold, but Target, Best Buy and Wal-Mart all conspired against me and wouldn't let me get one, so I had to go for the backup. And I'm not really complaining, I enjoy my Soul Silver.

It's a nice break from Gen V's graphics and all that jazz.

And then when I'm really in the mood I'll even go back to Gen 3 just so that I can say I caught Groudon without a masterball.

02/24/13 Well damn.

My card expires in what 4 days? FML to the max if I don't get that card or a replacement soon.


Yes I am that pathetic right now.

02/24/2013 Valle

"True to Caesar" comes to mind.

But in completely unrelated news I'm contemplating life's great mysteries again and that of course means I only have 2 weeks until my fabled expedition to Atlanta.

It's been a good week. Lots of things got done. More and more were made practical and the kitty wasn't as much of a bastard as he sometimes can be. All in all good :)

02/22/2013 Trends

Spatial realities within the time and mind of the souls.

Each form and function realized over a millenia.

02/21/2013 Wishing for sleep

Sleep is a fleeting thing in my life. I want it badly. I seriously do. Even more so I need someone to tell me that I'm doing the right thing. Which is asking too much of anyone even myself.

02/19/2013 Rirori

I ended up on the twitter and had an interesting conversation with someone I barely know. We talked in fragments and each of us really wasn't directing any comments to the other person but we knew the other would be reading them.

Its in that moment that I realized that some times it's just better not to have a real meaning in the sentence that is just typed.

02/18/2013 Sleepless nights

On sleepless nights, like sleepless days, dreams are worse off than they ever could be.

Chinese noms was lovely today. It's been a while obviously so that's saying something that I'm eating it :p

Ah so the world.

02/17/2013 Sound Sleep.

So I rested myself. Mind and body. Heart and Soul.

Rest in it's purest form is sleep. Closing of one's eyes. Placing the head on a pillow. And then conking out to have a one way pass to dream land.

I dreamed of visiting California again. I think it was Cali. My mind said it was; therefore it probably was. Visiting my friend Neil and hanging out. Yeah sounds about right.

I desire to be close to the people I care about.

02/16/2013 Overwork.

This one overworks his butt off. Like for cereal. He's about to maybe get 2 hours of sleep in before another grind of 17 hours... That's not healthy right?

02/15/2013 Days Like Emotions

Are fleeting.

In each, that which is alive must contrive many obligations by which s/he has no permanent nature. And as such, even though the empirical evidence stands in a completely differing notion, the assumptions made are less likely to have any core effects on any if none of the symbiotic relationships. 

02/14/2013 Valentines

Well Good Day There.

This one is single this year. So today of all things he's rather lonely. Oh and it's like an hour before his work. Which means he shouldn't even be online. He should probably be getting dressed and washing the sleep from his eyes.

Yeah that would be productive. More so than being a little bitch about how his life is lonely and what not. Tonight isn't all that bad he supposes.

And for all the people who are happy. Let them be. They've earned that right for being wise and keeping whom they love close to them. It really doesn't make much difference besides. 

02/13/2013 Good for one's skin.

Sleep. And a black pepper brown sugar dermal scrub.

Yes it's another session of train of thought. Not really one topic but many and yet nothing being said all in the same train.

Badges. Badges. Badgers? Smug and handsome. Rough lines, concave, delicate but refracting as should be. Holding back? Why. Don't hold back. Go forward. Sakana. Niku. Fish. and Meat. Duck breast. taken from the bone. ground with spices. Hamburger mix? Wouldn't make sense with so few ingredients.

Add something.

Egg as an emulsifyer.

02/12/2013 Drama

I love watching dramas. I'm quite partial to ones involving cooking and historical settings.

Which is why in the rare chance I see both.... :)

02/11/2013 On the Eleventh

This one finally woke from a catonic state.

And so begins yet another lovely evening of what is he going to do now?

02/10/2013 Rasbiluto

From Russian or something like that. Supposedly the emotion one exhibits when thinking of someone from their past that they used to have a romantic attraction to.

And also explains why a piece of me feels like it's been smacked repeatedly by a hammer.

02/09/2013 Nemo

Found again?

Snow and Blizzard conditions continue to ravage much of the US North East.

At this time this one is ok with these situations as he is making a good chunk of money from other people's misfourtune. That's bad isn't it? No? Maybe?


Well I wouldn't have a job if everyone was safe.

02/08/2013 Poisoned?

I awaken from Death's Miniature embrace somewhat refreshed. My soul aches still but seeing another piece of the dream realm is somewhat settling to my mind.

A beach. Watching horseshoe crabs spawning, other seaside related things. A piece of a dream I have a hard time focusing on. I suspect something is suppressing these conjured facsimiles. In which case I could only wonder what the hell I'm so afraid of delving into.

We don't put up walls for no reason. The fact that I can feel a mental barrier within my own psyche could relegate something... no?

Ah well I've got shit to do still. My night's only just begun. HOT SHOWER HO!

02/07/2013 Remember When...

It's the evening and this one is feeling fat and that's probably a good thing considering he had his first meal in what 2 days?

Why?

Probably because I hadn't gone grocery shopping in a while and didn't have anything remotely healthy left to nom on. Which of course is probably why I bought overpriced portebello mushroom caps again.... Oh god I love them sooooooooo much... Sauteed in a bit of oil, sprinkle of salt, sprinkle of pepper a slicing of onions to pair and then on top of my penne :)

No it's not particularly nutrious, but I never claimed what I was eating was now did I?

And now I'm craving Stargazy pie. Never had it before. But watching a British show on Sardines is making me crave it. I seem to remember a Reading Rainbow episode about the children's book that ties into it.

02/06/2013 On the To-Do List

Taxes. Because I'm expecting a nice return.

Laundry, because clean clothes are awesome.

Change cat litter. Because Nasari will mutiny if I don't.

Deep Conditioning. Because the hair is starting to frizz at the edges.

Also. While I don't feel nearly as bad, I'm still irked that some of my friends aren't there for me as much as I would like them to be.

02/05/2013 Les to think

Ugh damn that's bright. Damn all the brightness in the world right now.

Which I suppose is one of many reasons why I'm good enough at typing that I can do so without looking at the screen or my keys. Well no maybe not that well if I'm just letting my fingers d the talking.

I'm actually waking up AGAIN tonight. As in I was up at an earlier time.

The biggest thing to note is that this is pretty much my Sunday morning and I choose to sleep it off. Much like I'll be doing my Sunday night. Ugh the pains and perils of working a later shift.

02/04/2013 Further Escapades in the Dreamlandia

Besides finally having Stephen Fry cameo in a dream and various outrageous things happen... Including but not limited to finding a lost treasure of Roman and British treasures while on a retreat in a what I can only assume to be Arab nation.

Granted I have no idea why I'm dreaming of such things.


There are dark thoughts a brewing...

02/03/2013 Shun The Frumious Bandersnatch

I was in a mildly depressive mood yesterday into this morning.

Nothing I can really fix outright. But that's a fact of my life, no?

Finally talked to someone I thought was a friend. That didn't end well... Yeah, lets just leave it at it didn't end well.

And I suppose my need for revelation and finding closure caused me to end in a downward spiral when the response I got from my initial message didn't conform to what I was expecting.

02/02/2013 Swedish House Mafia

Because they're awesome and I thoroughly enjoy their music...

Also I love the premise of the music video.


How did I stumble upon it? I dunno I think I was browsing one of Bruno Mars' fan channels and then found this. It's a great video nonetheless and I do recommend everyone to enjoy it if they can :)

02/01/2013 More Dreams

I kept myself in the dreamscape a bit longer than I should have today. It was interesting to see the world as it stood and how my madness refused to allow me to have anything more than that.

I'd suspect that I am going insane in that sense.

Hold me m'dears. Wolf is searching. But that wolf is blind to the world around him.

01/31/13 Dreams

Another exciting night of dreams.

Lots of old friends. Places I remotely remember. And school buses?

I'd want to say that it's a flash back of regret for not having done more during my travels recently but that can't be right as the hotel room my dreams conjured was far too grand for some random escapade.

The rest of the dream is of course all a blur at this point. Scant wisps of things I can't help but attempt to patch together.

01/30/13 Glasses

I recently ordered a pair of glasses. Because ya know I don't need them. Well I do need corrective lenses but these were more on a whim to see if they really did function as advertised.

And so I have a pair of amber tinted lens now. They're interesting to say the least. My eyes keep auto correcting the color layout so there's a slight glow that morphs as I wear them.

I wonder if it's a sign that I'm not meant to wear them?

But a good scientist must be able to test anything and go by that basis.

And so I'll look like a damn hipster with these on and go by that for the forseeable future.

01/29/13 And so the Dream

I had an amazing dream last night. Old friends. Lots of them. From ages past. We were enjoying ourselves quite a bit...

But it's just that isn't it? A dream.


Time to make new memories so I can dream of them again.

01/28/13 Chances

Let's say that I have a proposal for you.

Nothing complicated, nothing troublesome. Just a yes or no.

Would you consider it before I offered it?

01/26/13 In the Waking Hours

It's evening once more. And this one stretches and pulls his back because it feels good to.

I'm sitting at home contemplating various things that I should be doing or could be doing but obviously am not doing. Maybe I could help Nasari or Raeshani out but that would be a considerable time investment that I may or may not care to do. And then of course I could always just not care about either of them and simply continue upon my day as I originally had planned.

Revenge while an inherently corrupting force has it's uses. And that is something we must all remember.

01/25/13 Lack of Illness

It's now Day 3. 48 hours past and this one is amazingly healthy. Nervous function has recouped and while mental state is still somewhat frazzeled. Auxiliary mode is active and mental stability is at an all time high.

All sectors reporting in that there are no active infections that need to be worried about. Dermal lacerations are mending and optical cortex is focusing as appropriate.

SO yeah. Traveling has led me to believe that I just need to be sick before I travel and I don't be afterwards. Which of course I can handle. Beats getting a case of the flu from going to a major airport or ya know worse. Which of course may be the reason why I only asked for juice while on my flight (VITAMIN C FOR THE WIN)

I'm home now. Contemplating how I'm going to clean my room. Got so much stuff that needs to be packed away or just vanish for the time being. And clothes that need to be washed. Yep. Is the adult life.

01/24/2013 Less Functional

So as it would seem, this one does need significantly more sleep than he allows himself.

01/23/13 Home and 99% functional

Landed from my crazy flights this morning at what 9/10ish? Came home organized some stuff dumped my clothes on the floor and browsed imgur for a good 4 or 5 hours.

I'm awake now. I have a lengthy journal to post. And lots of stuff to write about. And more. But yeah :)

Off to work in the next hour ish so I should probably get hair dried, cleaned up and packed with all of my gear.

New accessories and what not to be equipped :)

01/18/13 Tired

So yeah, head off. Dying... This ones legs are mush. And so much walking. Walked several miled todays... Seriously my brain....and the rest of ne is sore now.

01/17/13 Why am I awake?

Good question. Good answer being that I'm busy cleaning and packing and making sure kitten doesn't starve while I'm gone.

AH SOOOOO MUCH STUFF TO DO...

Also tomorrow evening I get to meet a long lost friend. Someone I've known for nearly 4 years yet I've never had the pleasure of meeting. It'll be fun :)

01/06/13 Shopping for the Just

Went shopping for essentials for the trip... My money is going bye bye :(

01/15/13 Sleep for the Just

Sleeping is a natural thing for most humans. Most being the optimal word as this one has the most messed up sleep schedules sometimes.


For instance, I just woke up. Like seriously. Hard to believe? Yeah, me too. I had a whole evening of stuff lined up which obviously I won't be doing now as I slept through the good majority of it. And so what's up next is a good question.

Planning would require that at least one of the people I want to be around is awake... Ugh no one is awake on the east coast (well normal people anyway)

That and Target is closed now so the to go kit that I'm so fond of isn't going to be available until Tuesday at the earliest.


Hm... Camera came in yesterday. Pretty awesome little Purple one that was a lovely 58% off. I think I'll get around to taking some awesome pictures of things other than my cat ;P

01/13/13 Life Under The Microscope

Shortly typed and shortly done, the mind's passions quite undone. Desires wrought, hopes for not. You and me together.


Have to get going soon. Like sooner than soon. Dressed to look alive.

Work and stuff and sobriety sucks. Maybe I'll have some tea.


Caffeine and sugar, ingredients; more? You shouldn't have to worry.

Packing soon, Flight soon. Off, sure in a hurry.

01/09/13 Well this is a poor resolution

What I had hoped would be my advent of writing once more has proven indubitably to be a failure as once more I am not writing :(

Ugh. What has changed about me that stops my will to write? What have I done so wrong to cause this?

There must be a reason as to why I'm not writing anymore.

Have I lost the drive to keep writing? Or maybe there's just something out there that I'm fundamentally missing.

Ah well just under a week now until awesomeness ensues. So much planned, so much to do and all the hugs/cuddles and general awesome time with me to be.

I'll be traveling soon and I reallly really look forward to it.

01/06/2013 Smells like burned wool.

Burned wool? Refine that to burned lint.

Something either died or is now cooking dreadfully in the air vents. I am not happy about this.

It smells of death in my room right now. Which of course may be a side effect of that or the kitty litter box's smells of doom.

I'm not exactly sure which one is worse right now.


Work soon and me getting dressed for it.


Lots of stuff that I have to work out the kinks to and time I'm not sure where I'll find. But ya know I'm good with things like that. I have a notebook again. It's evolved from it's previous incarnation and I have a good mental status of it all.

Kitty is a bitch. I hate how smug he looks all the time. Or the way he has to sleep on my hair. Or generally how long he seems to be. How can he exist? I for one don't know.

01/04/2013 Planning

Being that I'm the type of person who can't actually go about doing anything in this life or the next without planning. Right here and now seems to be a good time to do some said planning.

Why exactly did this come to mind? Oh no real reason. Just have lots to do in the next 2 weeks. Have a trip planned soon that I need to finalize some stuff on and then of course there's the matter of my absence in writing up to late.

What was supposed to be another attempt at writing each day for a year seems to have gotten off to a bad start. Yes well aware that it's already the fourth day of this new time period. But ya know. I'm the master of my own fate. And I always will be.

It's what I think is Friday evening in Florida. This one at his desk, poised for another exciting night of work. And while it's killing me slowly, I can't help but think that this is a good day as any for me to be happy with my achievements and with my head kept high to ponder and to think. I am after all generally cheerful by nature. And as long as I don't suffer from hubris, things should only get better.

Words written and all that jazz aside, I really should get dressed for work. It starts soon and I have to get going.

Nasari is doing well, his fat little chubby self is rolling around on my bathroom floor waging war against the invisible monsters that plague this universe. I'll have to remember to pick up some more cat food for the stash. Hm.... That does bring about the question of what I'm going to do about feeding/watering him while I'm gone. It'd be easy enough just to set another litter box or 3 out for him but he needs a stable source of water.

I'll keep that in mind when I visit Petsmart in a day or two.