11/30/11 Hm...

Is the last day of the month and I'm numb. Can't believe so much time has passed... On my phone atm, and if you know me, you'll realize I hate typing on my phone, and for the most part I only tolerate it because I have stuff to do. Well that or I'm texting someone I enkoy talking to. Who knows anymore. Anyway, have stuff to get to doing, atm that means resting and keeping my self sane. Get back to me tgough I ask?

11/29/11 Plans to PvP again soon

December starts in like 2 days in so within that period of time, yours truly plans to begin aggressively WoW-ing again as well job hunting. In such a means he'll hopefully be able to find some logic within that little brain of his to make magical things happen.

In other words, I plan to reactivate my WoW account. And yes I plan to level Galen up. Kyle isn't playing and guess he never really wanted to. SO instead of letting him guilt trip me into feeling bad anymore I'm just going to play and level him.

11/28/11 It would seem.

That I only got 4 hours of sleep last night? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?

As such I'm tired at the moment, and general thoughts of productivity worry me as I don't see them happening.

11/27/11 Dream a little dream...

So I ended up staying up late/really really early (like till 11ish?) today and though that isn't all that amazing or unusual. The dream sequence though... Oh god let me live parts of it again. So as usual I don't remember even half of it, but the sparks that I do remember, I just want to experience...

There was a road trip of some variety or another, one that led me to a distant place. It was planned as I recall it. And then I was in a field of flowers. Many of them were dried and withered, but even then they're of the lovely variety. There's at least one withered blue rose and as I kneel to touch it, I can feel the dried petals crumble beneath my hands. It's truly magical-ish... I remember wondering why I didn't have a camera... I wanted close up pictures of these flowers. Just light images to remember them by. It makes me wonder why flowers don't seem to exist like these do.

And then I awaken for the first time only 4 or 5 hours in. I stumble around for a drink of water and note that Eman is in TOR. As I sit down again and wonder, I think to myself that this is bullshit and proceed to pass out again. Enter 2 hours later and yours truly awakens again and feels a bit stunned. His head isn't functioning like it should so he's groggy and dehydrated but his arms don't feel like they've been hit with sledgehammers this time ( I wonder if wearing a jacket while passed out mitigates the effects of the cold in this room).

No one's called me back for a job interview yet though, which as you know is my main prerogative at the present. Having a source of monies fall out of the sky for me. That is something I NEED >.< How the fuck am I supposed to be able to afford to go to FurCon otherwise? Or do anything really for that matter.  Guess I'll just mellow a bit and resume my day.

Also this video. Because it is made of awesome and made my day much better. Such talented musicians :)

11/26/11 Cazador

Cazador - n. Spanish term meaning hunter. Also a gentically mutated version of the Mojave's native wasp population.

Of course that has nothing to do with me. :P Instead it's just me semi-rambling as I continue on my day to day with whatever I seem to be doing.

Ugh need job :/ So besides that loves to everyone visiting my page :)

11/25/11 Not enough sleep.

So today's master plan was to sleep, not check facebook and pass out for the majority of the day. Of the above I've failed everything. Well I did sleep. Don't get me wrong, I stayed up late and laid myself to rest with a towel over my eyes around 8:30-9. But then the dream world was all like, FUCK YOU! And I'm up now a mere 4ish hours later. I had the fan on and so my arms may as well be paralyzed :(

As for facebook, I hadn't seen any of the usual gloating yet, so if anything if I can have enough self-control not to get on it, I should be fin in the sense that I won't get more depressed over my present situation because of my lack of generally everything. And knowing myself, I won't be asleep anymore. Not without lack of want. But my head is going numb and I still sit here. Maybe I'll go browse stuff on Imgur.

11/24/11 Sleeping

Given the following premise:

1. I'm depressed about being homeless, jobless and generally broke.

2. I have no monies to spend on myself or anyone else for that matter.

3. The people that I do really want to spend this day with are either not talking to me or not in my life anymore.

The following is a result.

1. Depression factor multiplier x2

2. Boredom variable +5

3. Lethargy +10

4. Sleep imminent.

So for all of the rest of you who're out there enjoying yourselves. Have a good time. Yours truly will crawl back into his sleeping bag and hibernate some more. Not like it'll do much good but still.

Who knows? Maybe after waking up from the dream world. I'll have a better outlook on things and the job searching will be able to resume without further depression.

11/23/11 Was in the mood.

I was in the mood for colonizing the world again... So I dug out my copy of Age of Empires 3 and set out to kill folks. And while I am most saddened that I was unable to complete my dominating victory because I accidentally unplugged my external but hey it's the thrill of the hunt that makes me savor it all...

Which of course brings me to wonder. Why the hell hadn't I touched the game in over 2 years? Was I so out of tune with my stratestician side? (Note: I don't think that's a word but I'm not in the mood to google it to see if it is.) Well yes I very thoroughly enjoy commanding virtual troops. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at what I do. I'd consider my abilities in such matters if not exceptional at least above average.

And here of course is the wonder. What is it about games that I very much enjoy that I don't bother to touch them again? It's happened before of course. Quite a few times. And it'll likely happen again with any number of other games that I've loved before and since.

Ah well. For the time being it's linked to my steam account. So if I should feel the urge to, I'll simply pull it up again and send my army of skirmishers to chew through my enemy. (Yes I play French :) ) (not too shabby with the Dutch either).

11/22/11 What's there to be thankful for?

Thanksgiving is almost upon the United Statians. And so since I'm technically of that specific demographic...

What am I thankful of? I really don't know at the moment. Because my life feels shitty. But ya know. I'll figure out something.

11/21/11 Game Analysis for The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Well I'm a writer... And as such, I write. The following was part of a submission for a job application :P

Game Analysis 

Game: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (PC version)

Producer: Bethesda Softworks

Contents:

Abstract

Initial Game Assessment

Game Mechanics Overview

Bugs Encountered (With Related possible fixes)

Final Assessment and Possible Improvements

Abstract:

Having completed the previous two installments in the Elder Scrolls series and enjoyed other games by the same producer, I felt to a degree obligated to play this installment.

My primary focus for my initial play-through of the game (deemed a measure of game time approximately 10-20 hours, or until either the game’s errors or bugs outweighed my personal patience in gaming or the game’s quality got to a stage that was too repetitive to hold my interest) was exploration of the environment, judging quality of quests as well as generally enjoying the game matter. 

The primary focus of my second play-through of the game (judged by the same factors listed above, and resulted from fatal main quest error) was testing game mechanics (such as the use of differing perks, weapons, physics and AI strategy) , attempted propagation of bugs noted in the first play through and continued exploration into areas I had skipped or had not encountered during my first play-through.

The following analysis is based on my findings from both game plays. It is my hope that with the information given, my experience will enable the game engineers to develop fixes, patches and improve future game design.

Notes: My Alienware M15 laptop was able to run Skyrim on Ultra settings. As such the following is based on gameplay at highest graphics settings.

Initial Game Assessment:

The first thing noted upon entering Skyrim is a mild dislike with the character premise. Similar to the two previous installments of the game, the main character is taken released from being a prisoner to an environment and given free-reign to explore and do as he/she sees fit. Granted this situation did not come as a surprise to me as I had been paying attention to relevant game news, I was mildly irked by the initial prisoner aspect of the game. Also without a change error screen possible, there lacks the possibility of the player changing his mind in any form, and all decisions made are final.

As the series continues to evolve, I have noted that at the very least the environment was amazing. And though the physics of the game still feel clunky and at many points have bugs (see noted bug sections), I personally feel that this game is an improvement over its predecessors in many ways.

The stream-lining of player statistics has been condensed into Mana, Health and Stamina. Based on my previous experience with the game, I feel that this is an exceptional improvement as the primary focus for most players in the previous installments of the series was Intellect, Endurance and Strength. These three stats were streamlined into the present game and allows for players new to the series an opportunity to enjoy gameplay more than the number crunching and sometimes puzzling nature of stats present previously.

The elimination of certain schools of magic within the game is also beneficial to players. As a reduction of the number of skill types necessary to train allows for players to choose specialties without having to deviate to training in many schools for practical benefit. 

Sadly at the same time, reducing and changing spell types have to a degree damaged the precedent set by previous games. Though the perk system allows for customization of the character in such a way as providing for immensely different character designs/builds, the branching nature of each tree forces players to focus on specific talents that are needed by many play types. (For instance melee stealth characters are forced into combat one-handed skills and all caster builds would find the bonus magicka regeneration from the restoration tree necessary).

Quests in this game have their pros and cons. The magical cursors on one’s map direct players directly to the given position which aids new players in solving complex puzzles and finding quest locations. This partially destroys the exploration value of the game in that players aren’t given the option of exploring new areas in search of objectives, and instead everything is handed to them. Quest logs (journals) aren’t detailed enough to give locations or routes to objectives in any other form. Seasoned players of the genre and previous Elder Scrolls games will likely find such quality a detraction from the awe that made games such as Morrowind interesting.

Certain abilities and player types are objectively harder than others without justified compensation. For instance, the relative difficulty of initially playing a mage in many ways makes having a follower a necessity. The lack of heavy armor (as cloth pieces provide bonuses that are caster relevant) and related low health pool makes mages particularly squishy. As such many players must choose between leveling stats in such a manner as to gain a large mana pool (at the expense of survivability) or bonuses in armor (at the detraction of carry weight and less mana to cast spells). 

Players looking forward to being an archer are also at a severe disadvantage. Initially and somewhat throughout; skill, weapon power and availability of leveled arrows makes players shy away from this build (groups are particularly deadly for an archer as the melee pummel only knocks back a little but drains a fair chunk of stamina, and ranged tend to do low damage without enchantments and high quality arrows).

Game Mechanics Overview:

Skyrim is a vast game full of many dynamic processes that are definently an amazing successor to Oblivion and Morrowind. The fact that the game world lives and surrounds you makes for an exciting experience every time a player enters the game. A few mechanics need to be changed for balance.

My main concern with this game is the economy system. Gold is relevant in every fantasy based game as a means to trade. Skyrim’s merchants are brutal in this basis. For most of the game, players lacking the ability to refine minerals and skins into finished weapons and armor are at a great disadvantage in finding a means of profit. For instances  a player who accidentally sells a piece of armor for 50 gold may find that in attempting to buy it back, the merchant charges 4 to 5 times the offer rate (which potentially means the player is unable to get the piece back). 

As such ALL players will be forced into leveling the speechcraft skill or suffer the indignity of frustration at accidental clicks. The price for Houses also needs to be reduced to balance the game more. Players will note that the first house general available to players is 5,000 gold (without improvements). This sum is unrealistic to most players, even those who regularly delve into dungeons. Later on houses require sums up to 25,000 gold (without improvements) which I personally don’t understand how game designers expected players to get.

Another issue I have noted is the irritable nature of NPCs standing in tight areas or doorways. This issue is especially notable if the player has a companion who is following the player. The NPC doesn’t always respond to movement and as such will occasionally stand directly between a player and his objective. As the game is realistic enough not to allow stacking and intended player clipping, the NPC will stand in place (often for many in game hours). Running into a target doesn’t always push them aside either and many players personally would not want to risk accidentally killing a target with a spell or ability.

The radiant AI system was initially introduced to players as a breakthrough in innovation. As players have yet to figure out the triggers involved with this system, many players will find it extremely irritating that certain characters will refuse to offer disposition quests necessary for marriage. From personal experience this has happened on more than one occasion and thusly I’ve had to go to a 4^th or 5^th spouse candidate before the game resolved to allow me to do said quests.

Bugs Encountered:

My biggest fear in playing this game would be that it would be a remake of Fallout: New Vegas (unexpected game closure every 5 minutes, the launcher crashing, quests bugging out and being uncompletable, game mechanics non-functioning and NPCs falling through the world). For the most part Skyrim has not encountered the same issues as Fallout: New Vegas. I am still displeased at the sheer number of game breaking situations I’ve encountered but I will tolerate many of them. The following is a short list of errors I have thus encountered and some of the possible fixes.

Clipping – Character body parts moving through environment, physical objects, arrows permanently stuck on the player, even after associated gear piece is removed, arrows stuck in space, items thrown out of inventory stuck in space/through environment and associated not being able to pick them up.

                Fix: Restart game, computer, last save point sometimes fixes the above.

Quest Errors – Main quest sequence riddled with issues. Esbern’s lack of voice files and refusal to open the door to his room is my most hated issue in large part because this breaks the game.

                Fix: Necessary to download BSA unpacker and edit game data files.

Dragons – Many of them can hit targets through terrain.

                Fix: May be working as intended.

Spells – Sometimes go through terrain other times they don’t 

                Fix: May be working as intended?

Final Assessment:

My entry into this gaming world has been followed with general excitement built by many months of anticipation. After all this game has to improve on several award winning bases. From my personal experience of the game, I would rate it between a 7 or 8 out of 10. The game is still, from my perspective, in progress. Future patches and fixes may be able to improve on the initial release’s errors, but until which time a fix is released that allows me to finish the main quest line, I’m putting this game down to reduce my personal frustration with it.

11/20/11 A Cornered Rat - Skyrim Quest

In the same vein of how my previous posts have been. The stuff people will probably be googling for will be on top and then stuff about me will follow.

In case your PC version of Skyrim is bugged when completing this quest. Because I'm aware that the character Esbern will occassionally bug out in one of the following forms:

1. He refuses to come to the door.

2. He has no sound files.

3. After the conversation, he refuses to open the door.

4. Your companion gets in an endless loop and beats the shit out of him when he does open the door.

After viewing chat boards I found a cure :)


1. Download BSA Unpacker (Just a program that opens Skyrim's component files, it's safe I promise. http://www.tesnexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=3117)

2. In your Skyrim's data files there should be a file called VoicesExtras.bsa or something to that effect. Use the BSA Unpacker on this file.

3. Press the extract all button and extract all to the Data folder. If a warning or the like pops up ignore it and continue.

4. Open the game resume saving Tamriel.


As for the follower beating the shit out of him... To be on the safe side, dismiss your follower. Why? Leaving your follower in a random place leads to problems such as your follower dying to random spawns (yes it can happen, especially if your little man/woman gets in between 2 high level casters) And by dismissing you'll definently know where to go back for him.

_______

As for me. I'm off to have lunch with a friend and then probably a random movie and some cuddling. Not really that productive I admit but luvs, that's life :)

And yes I'm still mad at James for bailing on me. But I really can't help that now can I?

11/19/11 Entourage and Getting Stood Up

To say the least I woke up this morning, less than pleased with how things are/should be.

As you may have known or should I say have yet to find out... My weekend date screwed me over. Indeed the same date that screwed me over last week did so again this week. And the most interesting part of it all? He's not replying to my texts or phone.

So of course I was up at 5 yesterday at my phone, waiting. And waiting is the best way to think of it. For you see I was really excited that I'd be able to spend some intimate time with my friends. Which is of course to say that I was expecting to be able to spend time doing something other than sit on my ass and watch reruns of the shows I've missed throughout the week. Meh. Then again this is my life isn't it. I live and have expectations of things from other people. Promises if you will of either time together or just time at all. And then... They're shattered. Shattered by the reality that I don't get anything done. That I don't get anything out of it. That in the end I'm "alone". And in that sense I never really had anyone that I truly felt gave back to me. Nope. I've yet to be in a relationship where one or more individuals I've offered my heart to offered anything of equal value back to me.

I guess then I'm just a hopeless romantic. One who's expectations are either grossly out of proportion with what he has to offer or simply unrealistic as to what he has had to offer. Maybe I really should just stay out of the dating pool for a bit. Every time I think about it, I always end up downing myself. And every time I think I meet that right someone... I'm sorely mistaken. Because the honeymoon phase of the relationship burns brightly and even as it flares I force myself to ignore the brilliant sparks that should warn me of the relationship's inevitable failures.

But that's a different story m'loves.

As for the former part of the title of my post. I think I have an entourage now. Well no... I've kinda always had one. A group of followers attracted to me by my sexy hair, well placed demeanor and general happy disposition. But then of course is the fact that everything about me seems to attract people in need of... hm... what would be the word? I think everyone who's attracted to me is solely searching for affection. It's something that of course has always existed as one of my better qualities. Because no matter the craziness that permeates out of my being, I'm more than available to offer a hug or an open mind.

That's really all I'm good for after all. I've added one more to that group. Someone who challenges me intellectually. It's one of those qualities that a wolf like myself strives to hunt for. Well more like as a gemini, I crave individuals who I can call my equals. Not my superiors or inferiors... But my equals.

That is what I seek in life.

11/18/11 Rainy Days

It might be raining today. And I feel it won't stop me from making my day...

Lets dream.

11/17/11 So can't wait for tommorow

I'm taking a short break from Skyrim as I prepare for my big day tomorrow. In case you were wondering what's up; James' is coming to Tally to visit me :). It's been literally forever since I've gone on a physical date, so I'm really really looking forward to it!

And in today's news... Made an epic batch of spaghetti and it's amazing. Which of course could just be a sign that I've been hungry and this being my first meal of the day may at least in part explain this concept to the masses. Granted, the sauteed onions melted into the tomato sauce and mmm... delicious. Well ok it wasn't spaghetti so much as angel hair. But I personally must admit that angel hair is just as if not more delicious. mmm and I have a small pot of it left over for a midnight snack! Awesome sauce.

Besides that... Uh applied for a few more jobs today. There's an opening for a night job at the hotel I want to work for and I PRAY that I at least get a call back this time. That job would be amazing. Several of the other places I've applied include Chuck E. Cheeses (yes desperation is setting in), HP and a few smaller groups. To say the least I am qualified for everything I've given note of. AND! I'm willing to work days, night, weekends and more than willing to do copious amounts of overtime. Hell I even applied for a liquor store.

But yeah that's my life as I know it. Here's to me! Gan bai.

11/16/11 Writing Again

Well officially I joined the UESP last night and am now a contributor to that wiki. To say the least as I am playing the game still in my down time, I can at least be helpful too right? My first few pages have a concise yet well written appearance, that I'm actively working on to tweak. And if anything else this gives me an opportunity to feel like I'm giving back to the gaming community.

Though I doubt anyone will ever recognize me for it and I'm not going to use it as part of my resume, it's going somewhere :)

ON a totally unrelated sidenote. Pumpkin spice muffin, microwaved for 1 minute. DELICIOUS >.<

11/15/11 Scouts-Many-Marshes

I offer my soul to this...

So I've realized all of you were coming here for information on a certain Argonian and could really care less about my Skyrim experience :P


In case you were google-ing this page to figure out where Scouts-Many-Marshes is. He's usually on the docks of Windhelm. Note that this isn't Windhelm proper and is actually located slightly east of the bridge leading to the main city. If he's not walking the docks, he's probably within the Argonian Assemblage (also by the docks).

If you fast travel to the Stables of Windhelm, travel east and swim across the river. Scouts-Many-Marshes and his fellow Argonian friends (the Argonian chick is also marriable) should be on the docks, or inside the Argonian Assemblage (the should be the 3rd building from the left).


If you don't get a quest option after exploring all of his dialogues... The radiant AI system hates you and you most likely will not be able to choose him as a spouse. If you don't fancy a restart, try questing for a bit and coming back, the AI may or may not offer it to you then. 

If you want more info, I contribute to the UESP. This is S-M-M's page :)

www.uesp.net/wiki/Skyrim:Scouts-Many-Marshes


So yes the past glorious 3 or is it 4 days now... Uhm... I've been in Tamriel. And though my travels to this continent have been happening since at least 5 or 6 years back when my first Argonian avatar stepped foot on the province of Morrowind in the desolate port of Sadrith Mora... I still know my own and remember it all.

Well ok enough of the BS. I felt it right to at least get into some remotely RP-like drama. And due to the fact that my game is laggy I don't have any pictures of my exploits to show off :( Instead if and when my game decides to cooperate, I'll get around to snapping a photo album or 2 of pictures when I start a new character (because it's so gonna happen :/) Well the main thing about the game is that there is literally endless well almost endless replay value. The hundreds of paths that exist in the game from deciding between killing or saving a stranger to choosing to liberate ancient artifacts from a crypt are all defined as chance. And so if/when I start a new character I undoubtedly will end up making a try at someone different. Maybe instead of focusing on a sword and shield, I'll train with a two handed weapon and literally pummel my foes to death... Or following the footsteps of my friend, level up enchanting to the max and get a mage who has a 100% reduction in destruction magic mana costs... The possibilities are endless in that sense and because of the randomizer effect of item drops, monster spawns and the game's radiant AI system, I forsee many many more hours of my soul poured into Skyrim.


Now actually to the game. So if and when you decide to start playing, a basic story line needs to be in place. And as this one goes, it's Dragons + Civil War + Elves. Now specifically citing the elves in the story may sound a bit excessive especially since most of the characters (a good 80% of all residents of Skyrim) are of the Nord race. But when you note how much animosity exists in the game and how the high elves are basically the diabolical masterminds of the story... You get the picture.

Anyway since starting out gaming I've actually already made 2 characters. And if you think this is excessive... You're probably right. But you see! There is a reason for all of this. Because Skyrim is buggy. Not as badly as Fallout was on release but enough for me to cringe and mash my F5 (quicksave) at the slightest possibility of trouble. Now in case you were wondering what's up. The game's Main Quest line - I.E. your character saving the known world from the dragon's that have been resurrected by a dark god... has many sections that either suffer bad programming or have inherent issues otherwise... Considering these notes of course will lead one to realize that I'm somewhat resentful of the Radiant AI system.

I love the game and that's not a lie. But I must admit that various glitches have really gotten on my nerves (and caused my first restart) :/ Like seriously I finally find the Blades Dragon Loremaster... And what happens next? He glitches out and won't open his door for me. Well not only that he also has no voice and the game won't register me attempting to activate him or the door.

Besides that my game randomly crashes at different points. I've yet to figure out exactly what the cause for it is... but for the most part my reflexive F5 finger (mastered over many many hours of playing Fallout New Vegas and having it crash...) has saved me from many issues.


Back to the game. So for both of my plays I've been Khajit hybrid mage/warriors. Now of course playing a cat person has it's perks and would have been better in the previous two incarnations of the game... But theres literally only one other race I like playing and that would be the Imperials. However they've removed disposition and though I love gold (the Imperial power) the two really don't make me want to play one any more. Granted if I ever decide to play a mage I would most likely have to consider an Altmer for the base magicka boost... I will have to note that having the racial powers and the dragon shouts on one button is annoying. Not to mention the night-eye ability that Khajits have is useless because instead of doing what it did back in Oblivion, in this incarnation we simply get what appears to be an increase in contrast with a light blue tinting :/

So yes. I'm ranting now. But I love the game still even if there are a few things that could be explained. :/ Like how there are like no Khajit anywhere. Yes I know you find them on the roads as merchants, bandits and the occasional Skooma-head. But there are almost none in cities and definently none that are marriage-able. (I tried 3 different characters my first game 2 of them glitched and the third refused to offer me a quest to get him to like me). My second play through I rushed to my Argonian Scouts-Many-Marshes to find that he was finally offering me the quest I needed (well objective in the sense that a quest is a multi-stepped program).

But enough of my lizard lover boy. Getting back to the game and how I've played through it. I've realized 2 things about Skyrim. The first being that I don't understand how an area 2 feet away can be knee deep snow and the area your character is standing on is perfectly non-snowy. The second being that Skyrim's population is over 75% bandit + undead. You think I'm joking? I'm not. Consider first how many of the marks on a players map indicate mini-dungeons or full fleged dungeons. Next consider how townsfolk usually don't respawn... However bandits do. Follow that up with how you're significantly more likely to walk on the road and meet up with a thief or god forbid an assassin who wants to back stab you than you are a soldier regiment or the stray farmer looking to join the army.

But enough of the people. TO THE DRAGONS! Dragons are to this game what the red mountain was to Morrowind and the Oblivion Crisis was to Oblivion. In this game the character will probably see at least 5-10 dragons if they've progressed anywhere within the game. Dragons in Skyrim are big bad and full of magical frost/fire magics. In lore the two are intermingled in the sense that Dragons at one point wished to rule all of Tamriel and were put down by the Blades. Though I must say it is fascinating how they chose the "Shout" system for the game. From the lore, when the player uses a shout ability, they are manifesting words in an ancient draconic language. These words of power form in the physical world as magic. And though several of the shouts make no sense, ok I'll give you that if you say some magical words you can breathe fire or frost or cause animals not to bash your face in anymore. But how does it make you sprint forward a few yards? That would seem more of a physical ability than anything of a magical nature. Anyway, back to the shout discussion. When dragons duel, they're in essence having a magical debate. And I for one can appreciate that as something very awesome.

Skyrim in many ways improves on it's predecessors of Oblivion and Morrowind. And though a few of the options/abilities and other features have been phased out, I must still semi-rave at least for the new leveling system. Granted I don't really understand the full mechanics of it and part of me misses stacking luck making the game my bitch, I must bow down to the superiority of the three attribute system. In previous games, stamina was useful and played a very helpful part of the game, but it was largely overshadowed in practicality by intellect, strength and endurance. In Skyrim, the game has condensed all of the other attributes to these three. Intellect improves the caster's magicka pool. Endurance used to improve  your health and strength gives carrying capacity. Skyrim noted that these are the focus of a player and should really be the only stats that a player has to put things into. The talent system fills in everything else in the game. :)

I think I've typed too much for the average reader so I'll get back to this some other time.

11/14/11 Skyrim

Yes I'm still in this god forsaken place... Killing elves and bandits and countless waves of undead :/

11/12/11 + 11/13/11 In case you were wondering...

In Skyrim killing dragons. Interesting mechanics though I'm not liking how the new sneak system works :(

11/11/11 Trinity Limit and Considering Time Travel

So yes today of all days is both auspicious and quite interesting all in the same. For today is the release of Skyrim and also the marker of the only 11/11/11 I will likely see in my life time.

Granted this truly is not that special considering most day set combinations will only be seen once in my life time. BUT! I dunno where I wanted to go with this... Anyway as my facebook keeps alerting me, today is supposed to be "The most epic wish ever" which rightfully should be renamed "The most epic wish of our time." Anyway it's supposed to happen in a few hours at 11:11:11 which would make this number combination most unusual and special to the masses.

BUT! Ya know now that I consider it as a piece of the bigger picture. What really is so special about this day? After all the human time concept is in itself just a concept. It's a form of measurement designed by humans for a practical human purpose. Nature doesn't measure time in such a form. And for the most part our concept of time is likely very skewed considering what exactly is the "start" that people which to note from.

Because if you consider that fact. IF humans had started measuring time 3 hours before what we now have as the accepted start of time... then It'd already be past the magical moment wouldn't it? And then if you added other factors such as shifts in the solar system and possible alien interference... You'd come to realize that we as humans really don't know what time is.

Now if this was from a day and age of another... such that we can consider and note how our views of the world change and mold, we'd note how Doctor Who's concept of a time stream seems to have a somewhat truthful effect on one mode of thinking. While yes in fact the butterfly effect seems to be non-existent in the DW universe, well unless it's the main point of the story arc that a change in the past or the present affects the present or the future of course. Dynamic systems however would note that due to unforseen circumstances, the formation of outside factors is indeed a possibility as to how this set works.

And before I go into things I'm neither qualified to speak about nor am I really willing to explore... I'll drop it :/ It's an interesting concept of course. Since paradoxes exist in all forms of time travel. And if one could possibly overcome said paradox then in theory there's nothing awkward or unusual or special about this fact.

Though I must consider that the biggest reason anyone would in theory want to go back in time is to change a event.

Consider that Subject A: Evan witnesses a car crash that kills his mother on January 2nd. Now the logical thing would be to grieve, and possibly enter a field that specializes in safety or possibly fall into a spiraling circle of depression.

However if Evan were instead to go into a diabolical and possibly maddening obsession and instead develop a means by which to travel back into the past, and thusly change the past. Well considering this idea if he does end up saving his mother from the car crash, then two things must simultaneously happen. The first being that he has to die as two of the same element can't exist simultaneously in a time stream. The second course that must happen is that there must be a perpetrating reason for his going back in time. So before he dies/vanishes/ceases to exist he must introduce a reason for his future self to go back in time again, thus replicating the continuity of the system.

And now I really will stop talking about this since I've got other stuff on my mind.

^___

Today as I browse my Steam friends list. I note many of them are playing Skyrim. And with that thought... I am saddened :( And rather more sad because I don't forsee myself getting a copy anytime in the near future. :/ Please ignore my emotional state. My current financial and living situations are being a detriment to my mood it would seem. Nevermind. Talk to you guys later.

11/10/11 Today

Would have been my 9 month anniversary with Kyle. Meh. Guess as charming as I am, I'm just a ghost moving through people's lives. Can't even stay stable enough to give a word or leave a memory.

Tomorrow is Skyrim and a visit from a friend. The former I'm not getting because I'm too broke. The latter I dunno. We'll see?


Edit: Additions Below.

So while I think of things, I contemplated my own existence again and other various factors that seem to exist right at this moment. And I came to the realization that some people really aren't worth my time. A lot of people, shouldn't even be bothered with and a select few should be cherished and cared about. And of course mixed into the lots noted above are the self-righteous and other groups who either lack basic trust or are simply horrid in the way they make their words come out.

My business is in the end my own. And though I'd love to delve into the matter as it would make my own personal resentments at least temporarily nullified, I suspect that there's no real point in doing as much at the present. I'm not particularly happy with a selection of conversation that happened today. Granted it may just be me over reading things as I often do... OR! I could simply be in a foul mood for other reasons. We'll see.

As for my current phone issues. My phone's dead. So don't bother trying to call me. Because well it's not going to go through :/

11/09/11 Shrimp.

So as I may have mentioned (but don't recall at the moment and am too lazy to go online to check...)  I got most if not all of my stuff back from my friend's place :)


And so I broke back my reunion with my knives by cooking... And seemingly cutting off the skin of my right middle finger. Exciting stuff companeros. Cutting is fun :) And cooking.

Following my mom's recipe for Trio shrimp (not really called that but I'm too lazy to go find the name in Chinese/type it into Google translate and then copy and paste it back onto here). It's Scallion, Garlic and Ginger Shrimp. Now the scientist part of me thought about it and wondered what exactly is so amazing about these herbs/spices that work so well. And then I came to the hasty conclusion that they're aromatics. As in they have delicious smells that excite the pallet and make the mouth water. Specifically I know that scallions and garlic are used as an appetite stimulant and I must say that my batch worked very very well. The ginger adds a bit of heat to the subtle flavors. after flash frying the three aromatics in oil, the shrimp flops in until shrimp pink and then mmmmm delicious savoury flavors of soft sweet shrimp paired sooo god damn perfectly with the salty savories. yes too much food word usage. Deal with it I'm proud of my cooking skills.

But yeah that's me. Happy to have my cutlery back. Which is to say that I'm happy I can cook again :)

11/08/11 Foodz. Because I has some now.

Finally got around to getting my grocery shopping done. And most likely it was for the best that I stayed away from overly sweet or salty things. Instead I unloaded the rest of my monies at Sam's Club on bulk items. (Miracle how I always seem to be mentally calculating prices so I don't go over...)

Anyway back at my friends place now and once I go and pick up my bags of random (i.e. clothes, hair products, shaving products, stuff ... Why didn't I just lump that into toiletries or essentials? Oh and my kitchen knife and tea..., stuff) I'll be able to cook tonight :) I forsee some tasties in the near future. With this amazing pork loin, I think I'll go for a light stir fry and a side of rice to pair. And then... then... SO MANY POSSIBILITIES >.< One of the biggest things I have to realize is that I will ALWAYS have my cooking skills. which means... I will ALWAYS be random and make nomz when I have the materials on hand.

It's been a rough few weeks for me. With the joblessness, general homelessness and cold until earlier today when I got my jacket back. BUT I'm alive right? Well ok to be honest, I'm just a shadow of the man I used to be/ever was. I live on my friend's couch. I mooch off of them and for the most part due to my job search being completely FRUITLESS... :/ nm deciding not to go down this path. I don't need to be this depresssed in my life right now. I need stability and reasons to care about things not give less shits about them.

Back to me... Someone I still care about will probably be reading this about now and think to themselves. Yes that sounds about right. So this is what's going through his (as in my) head. And I'd flick him off because really that's what I'd love to do. But that's rude and interestingly enough I'm not that rude of an individual. I scam everyone around me of their sanity and I'm rarely as engaging as I could be, BUT HA I'm useful. Which of course means I have skills that someone out there doesn't possess that makes me attractive to them.

Yes that's how it is. right now. in my life.

Yes Kyle I know you'll slant face and not mention it if/when I text you again asking how your day was.

And Yes

I know I can be a jerk sometimes. I'm like that. Very few people realize that I'm happy being one. Because as long as I know I'm useful. And (thusly not suicidial over the matter) I can be happy. Or at least remain as happy as I want to be.

11/07/11 Sooo Sleepy

Why? I really dunno... Maybe because low light conditions seem to do that to me :( anyway I should probably if nothing else take a nap. It'll help me a little bit. If not well I tried didn't I? Anyway I have stuff to do tommorow. Important ish stuff. Like shopping. $150 isn't much but it'll tide me over with a shit ton of groceries if I spend it on the right things. Which I will because I need to be slightly more responsible in most economic matters.

As for where I keep getting resources. Not saying more than that I have useful friends. Well not all of them are useful, but the ones that i do favors for tend to be.

11/06/11 Just Wondering out loud.

So... I once got mad at a friend for being inconsistent and unreliable when I made a simple request to do something daily. And then I thought to myself... wait I don't even do that... *sigh*

So rather than getting mad at my friend, I should consider my own actions/ past and realize that I'm really not much better. Granted this blog has had significant contributions since my intial sojourn back onto it at the beginning of this year. Which is probably a sign that if anything I'm pushing myself to write something daily. And granted my day to day thought process is neither stable nor is it punctual, leads to these seemingling random blog entries.

But if you take each piece of this puzzle as a part of the whole then you'll realize that no I'm not really crazy. I never was and will likely not be for a long long time :)

11/05/11 Another Day Lost

So yeah my daily blogging failed again for the month of November. Because due to my freak sleep schedule I've once again been unable to succeed in blogging daily :/ Or rather. I was awake at some point during my day but I didn't get around to blogging because I had put it off for some time like this. Well rather I had put it off till later.

Granted I was completely not expecting to passout from 4 to 1 A.M... Which gives a rough time line of how my body works. I only had about 4 hours of sleep the night before, force-ably woke myself up to finish somethings and chat with a friend.

Friday was to say the least unproductive. :/ Yes I know. Checked up on a few of my listings and realized that I had no hits. Then got depressed as I checked my bank account again and still realized that I'm broke. My plans for anything at this point are continuing down the drain and I don't want that. I want to be able to spend time with my friends. To be able to lie back and laugh at myself and be like yes I can finally fucking relax. That my sirs is what I want out of this life right now. That is what I want to be able to do.

But of course life sucks, I'm broke and for the most part I don't have anything I can fall back on. Hell I'm not even sure how I plan to pay off my bills at the moment :/

I'm gone luvs. Gone and maybe not coming back. Well I'll be back but not in the same sense. *sigh* Fuck all of this.

11/03/11 Raptor Jesus

Oh heavenly king of the Jurassic and Cretaceous and all other periods and times, please bless me this day for this one has a dream. He has applied for a position with a food magazine and desperately hopes that he will be able to go to it.

This being one of my three dream jobs... Would mean the world to me. And I want that chance. So dear Raptor Jesus bless me with the chance to prove myself to myself... and the rest of the world that I am capable of it all.

11/02/11 Zombie

It's kinda how I feel right now. My eyes hurt, my body is rather sore and I've been awake for almost 24 hours now.

It's slowly sinking in that Kyle and I are really not dating anymore. It hurts just a  nudge, but I'm moving on. Part of me stricken with grief for the 8 and half months that I invested in him, gone. Another part of me is relieved. I can explore other options now without fear of offending his highness.

Well it's not like I'm going to become someone different now that I'm me. I'm simply going to take things with a different level of stride shall we put it?

11/01/11 I feel like shit :(

I really do. My head hurts and I seriously think there are bags under my eyes. Which doesn't make sense since I went to bed at the sensible hour of 2 last night. I don't really doubt that my left arm hurts badly because I keep sleeping on it, but the rest of me? Why the fuck is the rest of me in pain? :( Pain sucks?

I don't doubt that what ever I go through is probably affecting more than just my sleep habits at the present. It's probably killing me slowly...