10/02/11 What Am I To You?

... So... I had this really nice post originally that suddenly got consumed by the internet and didn't get saved and in my folly I wrote over it... The video below is one of the songs from the most recent Adventure time episode. It's been stuck in my head for a while and is officially my (new) ringtone as well as the top track of my new playlist...

But I'm not so easily deterred by this change of original events of me deleting my past post! Instead I will let it be a sign that I simply need to be more vigilant of my posts and press save once in a god damn while :/

Anyway I've been through a lot today. Been up since 6 and only had what 5+ hours of sleep maybe? A mix of bad dreams and what not have been haunting me up to late. Or rather just last night. And even then saying bad dreams is exceptionally vague as they aren't as bad as I make them seem like. Instead they're just something that's happened and something that's past.

In the stages of mini death I've encountered 2 things. The former being the presence of stamps and the latter being the titanium ring I have on my left ring finger. In each case the  real meaning behind the presence of these items isn't so random as they would first appear. In the context of the dream... At least what I can remember of them. The Stamps were in an ornate tube, a cylinder with white or blue box patterns. I really do wonder what it is about dreams for me. When I'm in them, they have such vivid colors but as I try to think of them again, to imagine them before me, the colors slowly melt away from the stills that my memory has taken.

Stamps. Basic shapes present but no numerals or recognizable script or pictures. What country are they from? I don't really know :/

And then the next subset the ring. It's presented to me shattered in 2 as if instead of the trusty titanium it were made of fragile ceramic. I gazed at the remnants, the pieces held out to me and I was angry. Well no angry isn't the right word. Distraught? Offended? Lost? What of it I don't really know, but either way I was neither happy nor was I truly enjoying the presentation. And in that sense the dream was a revelation to me. The first piece of course being that I realized that for much of my life I doted my parental figures as I wished to achieve some type of welcome in their lives... And then that I was irate with them. The ring is a binder in that sense. A piece of me that's always existed and now is present in such a manner as to be representative of my bond with not only my nerdom but also... also what?

Ugh It's too late and I've typed this same post a second time now it would seem. Just letting the words leave me and enter the page.

So yes luvs, I'll be back for more tomorrow :)