It's now almost 5, but by the time I finish posting this it will have long since past the hour that is 5 a.m. or rather since theres only 2 hours left of my shift in this accursed hall, I have come to wonder if I'm really on the path that I want to be on.
I'm going to graduate from college in a week. It's coming here NOW... and I don't feel prepared in the slightest. I don't feel ready, and I definitely don't feel like I'm in the right place or the right position in life.
This isn't the proverbial "Born This Way" that I'm hoping for. I'm neither in the stage of life that I want, nor am I in a state of mind that begs to be perfect. I don't have fall plans prepared. I'm going to have to ask a friend to let me stay with them for a bit because that's generally how it's going to be. I'll be there for x,y,z amount time and after that I'll simply be floating... Grad School is in my perspectus and after that? What good sir is after that... I don't know.
My good friend Tyr once said that I should have gone to culinary school. Forgone all this undergrad BS and instead enjoy the good life or rather what of it I'd let myself experience. And looking at it, I might have enjoyed as much. But now's not the time to get into what could have been.
My therapist has been telling me that for the longest time. Stop contemplating the past and how things could have been. Why? Because that's the core of my issues from last year. Last Summer and Fall I was obsessed at how my relationship with Fao could have been better. Obsessing about it doesn't cut close to what I was going through.
Maybe it'll be in MY future again in the future. I can think like that :)
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