04/02/12 Heat

Color: Red.

Symbol: Wave structure

Type: Emanation.

Description: It's fucking hot :/ Today was. Which is just me bitching of course. As at most it was what maybe 90ish? Well it felt horrid. Humidity is on the rise again in this little world of mine.

_

It's Monday. I have stuff to get done. Head feeling funny. Gut not agreeing with fish. Chest in pain again over past ideas and thought processes.

As Salamu Alaykum

May you be with peace, honored friend. For the gates of heaven stand open for such a cherished member of the world. Your voice is the law by which the common man may live his life and by which the shunned and damned heed to listen. Your grace is the enchanting walk by which I have followed and here and now you are welcome. To my abode, to my hearth, to dine with me. For you are friends of this circle and within it you and I are like brothers separated at birth, destined to meet again. In such words I greet you, my friend. 

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Sorry about that? Not sure what got into me. Suddenly spewed out random words? I dunno :/ Anyway unusually sleepy though I'll shrug it off as I know I can. Still haven't heard back from any of the places I applied for a job at though :/ This bothers and annoys me. I need something to start paying off my pressing issues and start saving for my dream truck (still only 13k)

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Also I am a sage of words long past. Well no, that's a god damn lie and I of all people know it. Instead. I'm here procrastinating talking to someone I care about. Probably because it hurts to do so.

I promised my ex that I'd leave him be. And while this very concept hurts me deeply, I have to honor what I've said and make it come to pass. The otherday out of the blue he private messages me on one of the forums I frequent (hilariously enough the same one we met on). Anyway his message wasn't particularly pleasant (at least I viewed it in such a manner as to be less than pleasant). And well it hurts. It fucking hurts a lot.

I'm an emotional guy. Not going to deny that. Nor will I remotely attempt to deny the fact that within me festers an anger that builds upon the bullshit of a thousand hurt feelings and a pride struck down by the realization that the ones that I care about, often care so little about me. It's not like saying that I don't have friends or the like.

It's more along the lines of noting that rather than friends, most of the people in theis world view me as a tool. They don't see me as an actual person. In a sense that's how I feel about my ex at the moment. It's hard to say and worst to think. But I kinda still feel used. The forced isolation from him only imposes more of this feeling upon me.


And so i think of other times and memories. Something more favorable perhaps? I don't really know anymore.


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But enough of this. A new train of thought I beg of thee or Loreweaver.

And in his grace, the loreweaver did grant me the slightest of blessings. The words he said and the ones by which he would honor my sacrifices. Each in turn will be and has been and will have been. Written.

Cast out the thoughts of the impure I did say to him. And he asked if that were a question or a statement. To which I replied. "All that was said will have been done. What matters if the words be said as a question or as a note. In each the meaning is made, whether clear or troubled, desolate or inopportune. And to this. You will have the words be done. So unto you as was to say, So unto me the souls depart."