To say the least I woke up this morning, less than pleased with how things are/should be.
As you may have known or should I say have yet to find out... My weekend date screwed me over. Indeed the same date that screwed me over last week did so again this week. And the most interesting part of it all? He's not replying to my texts or phone.
So of course I was up at 5 yesterday at my phone, waiting. And waiting is the best way to think of it. For you see I was really excited that I'd be able to spend some intimate time with my friends. Which is of course to say that I was expecting to be able to spend time doing something other than sit on my ass and watch reruns of the shows I've missed throughout the week. Meh. Then again this is my life isn't it. I live and have expectations of things from other people. Promises if you will of either time together or just time at all. And then... They're shattered. Shattered by the reality that I don't get anything done. That I don't get anything out of it. That in the end I'm "alone". And in that sense I never really had anyone that I truly felt gave back to me. Nope. I've yet to be in a relationship where one or more individuals I've offered my heart to offered anything of equal value back to me.
I guess then I'm just a hopeless romantic. One who's expectations are either grossly out of proportion with what he has to offer or simply unrealistic as to what he has had to offer. Maybe I really should just stay out of the dating pool for a bit. Every time I think about it, I always end up downing myself. And every time I think I meet that right someone... I'm sorely mistaken. Because the honeymoon phase of the relationship burns brightly and even as it flares I force myself to ignore the brilliant sparks that should warn me of the relationship's inevitable failures.
But that's a different story m'loves.
As for the former part of the title of my post. I think I have an entourage now. Well no... I've kinda always had one. A group of followers attracted to me by my sexy hair, well placed demeanor and general happy disposition. But then of course is the fact that everything about me seems to attract people in need of... hm... what would be the word? I think everyone who's attracted to me is solely searching for affection. It's something that of course has always existed as one of my better qualities. Because no matter the craziness that permeates out of my being, I'm more than available to offer a hug or an open mind.
That's really all I'm good for after all. I've added one more to that group. Someone who challenges me intellectually. It's one of those qualities that a wolf like myself strives to hunt for. Well more like as a gemini, I crave individuals who I can call my equals. Not my superiors or inferiors... But my equals.
That is what I seek in life.
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