On Putting the Pieces Back

As I type this hundreds if not thousands of thoughts are rapidly processing through my mind. Part of me wonders why the hell I even bother with life. And then I realize... Death really isn't much better. At this point. I'm still in that "live" for yourself mentality. But ya know. It's kinda not going to so well.

Right now as I see it. What is there to live for? If I barely scrape by with my grades I can MAYBE get enough dedication together to finish this semester and then GRE into Grad-School.

Lovely positive thinking right? Part of me just wants to give up on everything. But now isn't the time for that mentality. Now is the time to act strong and do what has to be done. To say the least I think I need some counseling help again. Well that and to get my life in order.

Lets see what I have to do at the moment.

1. Taxes (still have a bit before my deadline but I'm going to be pumping as much as possible into it)
2. Reading assignments (Finish the faster the better)
3. Paper + Master Assignment for Global Engagement
4. Online papers for Middle Eastern History/Culture
5. Fixing relationship issues.
6. Talking to people to fix other things.

A part of me realizes that most of what I'm in right now is my fault. Another part of me realizes that I don't really have anyone to blame but myself. And the final part of me realizes that I need to move forward. Nothing I say or do right now will matter if I don't try.

So tomorrow as soon as I can (I'll try to stay up a bit longer if possible) I'll go to the SLC and schedule a meeting with one of the counselors and hope... No I will get over this. I have no choice but to. At this point I am what I am and I have to talk myself into thinking like the person I am. For counseling I want to feel better about myself. Somehow. I don't know how. But somehow I want to feel better.

Awake and Sober

Well the title of my post would make one assume that I was intoxicated. And that would hardly be the case. I'm staying awake because my boyfriend is a procrastinating dork; much like half of his class. Ya see he's awake because he didn't finish his paper. And because I'm awesome and I love him I am as well.

Well it's getting close to my passout time. Because I can and because he is too. I'll try to write more later :)